Happy Birthday Babe..

It's your 29th..
I still remember the date..
I will always..

Happy 28th Birthday Babe..
It's been your third year, not celebrating your own birthday..
But no worries.. I will always remember..

May you are fine down there..

MISS YOU..

Mengenangmu 2 years RIP

Mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku...
Pertemuan, Perpisahan lumrah kehidupan...
Cuma bagaimana kenangan-kenangan lekat dan tetap di hati dan minda yg membezakan pertemuan dan perpisahan tersebut..

"Dan izinkan aku, memeluk dirimu kali ini saja.. tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya.. dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejap saja.."

Tapi sekejap pun aku tak dapat peluk, sekejap pun aku tak dapat tatap wajah itu.. Cuma suara yg aku dengar dari corong telefon pada saat2 akhir.. suara yg sampai ke saat ini masih terngiang2 di kepala..

Dan yang paling penting, dia bawa hati aku bersama.. sampai aku tak tahu kenapa hingga ke saat ini aku tak penah ada perasaan untuk settle down dgn mana2 lelaki. Mungkin waktunya belum tepat, mungkin orang yg sesuai belum ketemu.. tp aku happy dgn keadaan skrg. Kadang2 bf ada pun serabut pala otak.. at the moment, ai stay single and fabulous..

"Saat aku tertawa di atas semua..Saat aku menangisi kesedihanku.. Aku ingin engkau selalu ada.. Aku ingin engkau aku kenang..Selama aku masih bisa bernafas, masih sanggup berjalan, ku kan selalu memujamu.. Dengarkan aku.. Ku merindukanmu.."

U were there, at the worst time..

"Di malam yang sesunyi ini.. aku sendiri.. tiada yang menemani.. akhirnya kini ku sadari.. dia telah pergi.. tinggalkan diriku.. Hanya dirimu yg kucinta dan ku kenang, di dalam hatiku.. takkan pernah hilang.. bayangan dirimu.. untuk selamanya... Mengapa terjadi kepada dirimu? Aku tak percaya, kau telah tiada..."

SAAT TERAKHIR

tak pernah terpikir olehku

tak sedikitpun kumenyangka

kau akan pergi, tinggalkan ku sendiri

begitu sulit kubayangkan

begitu sakit kurasakan

kau akan pergi tinggalkan ku sendiri

dibawah batu nisan kini kau tlah sandarkan

kasih sayang kamu, begitu dalam,

sungguh ku tak sanggup, ini terjadi

karna ku sangat cinta

*

inilah saat terakhirku melihat kamu

jatuh air mataku, menangis pilu

hanya mampu ucapkan : slamat jalan kasih

satu jam saja, ku telah bisa, cintai kamu, kamu, kamu dihatiku

namun bagiku, melupakanmu, butuh waktuku seumur hidup

satu jam saja ku telah bisa, sayangi kamu, di hatiku

namun bagiku, melupakanmu, butuh waktuku seumur hidup

di nantiku

o.. oh…

Al-Fatihah for Arwah Iwan. It has been 2 years already, yet I still missing you darling..

100 days

Genap 100 hari arwah 'pergi' menemui Allah..
Al- Fatihah..
Always miss u dude..

" kau terindah di hati ku..
mungkin aku..tak mampu untuk meraihmu.."

For you..

Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujimu
Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku
I would never get some1 like u.. Thanks for evrything.. U just make me feel so great n I always do.. tho u r no longer around...

#Shrek sangat tak best..

Happy Birthday Babe..

I didn't write it by my own. I got it from somewhere else. But what she said exactly the same with what I wanted to tell you babe.. Deep inside I still wish you r here with me 2 celebrate ur birthday.. Happy 27th Birthday Babe..


27th April 2007, it's your 27th Birthday Babe.. be 27 @ 27. What a nice number isn't it? As both numbers are my fav ones. No 2 as I was born on the second month of the year. No 7 is always my fav n lucky number.. remember Table 7?? hehee.. I miss you babe..

Today is your birthday. I wish I could congratulate you face to face. We would’ve celebrated your special day together tonight. I’m sure if you were still around, we would have a nice dinner together, right now.. I wonder where we would celebrate it…

Today is your birthday. It’s been about 2 months since I haven’t heard your voice nor got your sms. And I miss you. So much.

Today is your birthday. But you’re not around. I can’t see your smile anymore. It hurts me, babe… My heart breaks into pieces. I wanted to ask “Why? Why aren’t you here?” But I guess I have to try to accept the reality and deal with it. I know you wouldn’t like it if I asked the same question again and again. I know that you don’t like seeing me sad… and mourning all the time… But it’s hard, babe. I’ve tried. It’s just so damn hard.
Oh why is it so sad? The feeling that I have now is even sadder than the feeling that I had when I broken-hearted. It doesn’t feel good at all, babe…

I really enjoyed the time with you, babe.. It was also nice only to spend the weekends watching dvds and chatting with you.... Then we're too exhausted (or lazy?) to go out yah... unlike the first couple of months, we always went out and had dinner at different fancy restaurants in town... I do not blame anyone for not spending more time with you babe.. I admit, I'm too busy with my own world in Kuantan.. But I regret that I didn't see you for the last time babe.. one last meeting that I failed to do.. U left me forever..

I really wish you were here… I really wish that I could see you tonight at your place and we go somewhere to celebrate your special day together. Ah well… I’m still learning to get used to live without your presence. Give me some time, will you? Am sure you understand.

Happy birthday, babe. I wonder what are you doing now?

I could only send my prayer as your birthday present...

xxx
Melia

Babe..

I can't sleep.
So I watched John Tucker Must Die.. still can't sleep.. continue watching A Walk to Remember..
Ended up.. crying missing my babe..

Have u ever feel empty tho u got lot of frens? I wonder why is dat I feel so fuckin empty while I'm having all the great frens around me.. I miss him.. Seriously miss him..

Babe.. I don't know it feel so sad.. but I really wish u r here.. I really wish I can talk to u rite now.. Remember when u r around, it doesnt matter what time I need u.. u always there for me.. where can I find such a great person like u??

Babe.. Your birthday is a day away.. wonder how am I goin to celebrate it alone.. U promise to celebrate it with me but u left me alone wondering this n that..

Owh babe.. I'm still learning to get used to live without ur presence n influence.. give me time babe.. Do u know, lata n pian are ignoring me?? They dun pick up my call or reply my sms. I heard they visited u back to S'pore. Y didn't they tell me? Im sorry I didn't join them.. I dun think I've the strength yet to see u. U know me rite.. God planned everything with his own reason.

Babe.. It's been few days I can't sleep.. maybe bcoz I've too much sleep lately.. or maybe bcoz of your birthday warmth that make me couldn't sleep.. it doesn't matter babe.. I always wish u all the best. Can't u see?? My life getting better tho there is a hole here n there but it's not a problem. Sure can overcome it..

I can only send my prayer as ur birthday gift babe.. you nvr remind me of anyone.. you remind me of yourself.. sorry I couldn't tell u this earlier.. Sorry I let u think u remind me of 'him', u far way better than 'him'. I heart you...

Take care babe..

#Thinking of sumthing this coming friday...

A moment to remember..

I've watched this movie. I missed when it was aired on TV but a fren of mine has the movie so finally i manage to watch it. Try to dl but always failed..huhhuu..

Nice sad movie. A friend said, 'A walk to remember' much better. A bit sad, but 'A moment to remember' it's unexplainable why some gurls cry watching this movie..huhuuu

We watched the movie together which end up, my fren fall into deep sleep while I was watching the movie sobbing all the way. Sampai bengkak2 mata..huhuu.. It's not that the movie is so sad.. it just hmm.. how should i put it.. senang citer camni la.. do u think pure love is still exist in this world?? of course ada gak kot.. but less than a little.. :p

I cried bcoz of the husband's love, its so pure, eternal. Doesn't matter if the wife dun remember him.. he loves n cares about her..

Ladies, get this straight: guys like Choi Chol-Soo (the husband) DO NOT exist in real life. You'd have a better chance of finding Bigfoot than a sensitive, loving, and yet utterly righteous dude like Choi Chol-Soo. Hmm.. guess I'll never come across any.. But I've met my dear just to know he left me forever.. :D

********************************************

Another 20 days.. counting days to celebrate his supposed to be 27th Birthday.. I'm still counting babe.. I'll get u the 'kain batik' u asked me for from Bandung.. We r supposed to celebrate ur b'day babe.. Damn!!!! I miss you so much.. Oh ya, ur mom called me to tell that they r moving this morning.. I wish I can see her but u know I'm not that strong. I'll see Lata b4 fly off to Bandung.. All of us miss you babe.. Wish we can hang out like we used to. Lata always hide her tears when talk about u babe.. I know how close u guys..

My life getting complicated babe.. I dunno what to do.. I need you by my side to help me out. But though u r no longer around, at the presence of pian n haikal n lata.. I feel ur presence.. Stucked btw dreams n hopes..

It doesn't matter babe.. Oh why is it so sad? The feeling that I have now is even sadder than the feeling that I had when I broken-hearted. It doesn’t feel good at all, babe…

Wish you ok over there babe.. I'm always sent you my prayers.. U take care babe.. Dun worry about me..I'm ok n I feel better.. I got my old fren back.. I'm happy 4 it. Don't u happy 4 me 2? Smile for me, will ya?

Miss you so much babe..

******************************************

Nak jumpa muzamm.. lama tak jumpa dia.. rindu la.. hahaa... esok kene amik sakit baki mini thesis tu... adehh..

40 days

Hari ni dah 40 days Iwan tinggalkan aku buat selama2nya. Aku rasa dia pun gembira tgk aku skrg. Aku gembira je.. Aku terima kenyataan..

Thanks for everything...

Al- Fatihah..

Dream..

First of all, Takziah to EG n Family for the loss of family relative last nite... Be strong fren, Allah sayangkan mereka more than we do.. redhakan pemergian mereka..

I thought I'm strong enoff to face such situation..
I thought there'll never drop of tears to be wasted for the late Iwan..
I've broken all the promises..
I'm sorry darl..

I was ok when I got the news.. when they get into the house n nana told me what's wrong with EG..
I thought it was bcoz of the guy.. but then I was wrong..
I'm strong enoff to accept the fact of someone death.. I thought..
But then when she come n cry on my lap.. I just couldnt hold my tears..
Exactly 15days after he went to see God..
I've been laughing n enjoying my life such nothing happened..
I realized one thing..
I've forgot bout him all this while..
No more Yassin was recited..
No more do'a was recited.. I was too fuckin busy with my world.. Damn me!!

Yea.. my fren is right..
We'll cry the loss just for a while..
Then we'll forget about it..
I cry not bcoz of I'm thinkin of him..
But how I break my promise..

I couldn't sleep..
I know it's hard for Eg to do so..
I do understand the feeling..
I'm the one who should soothe her up.. but it end up.. she calm me down..
Thanks soulmate :)

I've been craving to meet him in my dream since he went up..
Last nite for the first time in 15 days..
No words just a smile..
But I know.. he knows how I'm missing him..

*Bersemadi dengan tenang.. Moga Rohmu dicucuri rahmat Allah..

Change........

It’s been 10 days, Iwan went to see God. All the promises made to him should be done!. I’m trying bit by bit.. With hope, I’ll transform to the person I used to be one day. Though I know, I will never b the same me 2 years ago when I first met him. But as I wanted to be sum1 good after all wrongdoings I’ve done which drag me into miserable life lately, I should stick to the promise..

A fren told me, when his fren passed away.. he had a little what they called as ‘anjakan paradigma’ :p hehee… he bcome a good boy but it just for a while.. Once the thought of the ceases body gone.. the hope.. the dream.. the promises are also gone.. Nothing was remembered except how great life was at that time.. I wish my promise to change will be forever.. I wanna b a good gurl :p

Went to UIA Gombak last Friday just to have a nice day out.. Met old frens a little while, then busy packin stuffs to be brought back to Kuantan.. Oh ya, I donated blood. I was askin myself why?? It’s bcoz of I’m thankful to blood donaters whose blood was used for Iwan’s blood transfusion.. Seems like its my new responsibilities now.. :D

Life getting better I presume.. Being able to think straight is the biggest gift nowadays.. coz lately I was being moody n emotional.. Thanks to the goody goody frens.. Thanks to my Lovvy for being there for me..

Thanks for the memories..

a friendship slowly deteoriates.
a hand that pushes us apart.
i remember when you were the one, that i would turn to.
when nothing you had thought was wrong, we were the invincible ones.
thanks for the memories now that you're gone.
what the fuck should i think when you let everything get in your way ?
so much holds you down so much holds you back.
are you the same ?
maybe i've changed.
now we're stuck together, and our hatred grows stronger for each other.
and it tears me apart knowing you're fucked in the head, and everything is all for you,
and fuck me for caring and sticking around.
fuck you for holding me down.
we were the invincible ones.
what went wrong ?

# Heard this song last nite.. Quite a good one..

**********************************

Goin 2 c his (RIP) mom in a short while.. Even till now, I've no idea wut to say.. Perhaps, I'll end up crying in his mom arms.. Hopefully m strong enof to face this..

Mite goin to Kak Fida's wedding in d noon.. Not sure if m able to face ppl yet.. Spent da whole day ystd in my rum.. Even lunch, nurul sent it in.. I gotta get fresh air..

Should I get back to Kuantan?? I'm losin my mind...

Blog

SOme ppl said, blog is like diary..
Some said, its a medium to express ur feeling,
Some said, its a medium to express ur opinion..
Some said, its a medium to express ur uneasiness..
Whatever ppl said, my blog is mine... so its up to me wut to write..
I didnt ask u guys to come over n read it..
U come uninvited...
If u don't like wut i wrote.. just get the hell out of here...

**************************************************

Im feeling better this morning.. In fact I'm feeling great. Thanks for the long late nite call.. Really appreciate that.. I'm sad but I won't grief.. Ini ketentuan Allah n kita kene redha..

I was thinkin wut he said to me last nite..

"When u were down bcoz of syaril, God let u get close to several new frens.. which then bcome ur bestfren.. God didnt leave u alone.. He always by ur side.. whether u realise or not.. When u were down bcoz of ur close fren, God let u know another new frens.. which then support u n make ur life better n happy.. When things bcome complicated.. God sent u some1 who u can talk to.. who u can tell evrything.. a shoulder u can cry on.. HE never let u walk alone.. When u were down over several matters, God sent you him (RIP) to cheer u up. Though he's the one who should be cheered up.. He was dying n still he motivated you n now he's gone forever.. When he gone my dear, God didnt let you walk alone.. u still hv frens.. u still have me.. u still hv ur family, his (RIP) family.. Never let sadness get the control over you... " - Thanks abang.. Can't believe I got a long call from Japan..Love you..muahss

I called Dr Huzwah yesterday, telling her I dun feel like teaching yet. I wanna cancel the class for the whole week n perhaps for next week too. She was ok but she said, students only hv 3 more weeks left so i gotta finish evrything on time.. Thanks she's very understanding.. I'll try my best for the students..

Dr Raj called, ask when I'm coming back.. I said, I'm not sure.. perhaps on sunday but it is all depends.. I was about to tell him I'm quitting.. But then he sounds like so excited n wanted to see me as soon as I come back.. Seriously I don't hv strength yet... Media was all contaminated.. Henry already prepare some more.. the rest.. i dun wanna think about it yet..

"Iwan pesan, melia jangan nangis lagi. Arwah takmau pemergiannya ditangisi. Waktu arwah sakit pun dia dah pesan kat mummy n daddy.. redhakan dia pergi. Jadi Mummy kene tabah n mummy nk melia pun tabah macam kami.. Redhakan arwah.."
Aku jadi orang yg tak berperasaan.. No more tears..No more sobbing.. What left just the pray for him.Semoga ditempatkan bersama orang2 yg beriman...

#Aku perempuan.. n aku rasa lebih senang luahkan perasaan thru penulisan.. P'puan berjiwa lembut? Ada gak lelaki berjiwa lembut.. Rasanya cukupla aku drag kawan2 dlm kesedihan.. Thanks for listening.. thanks for the encourage.. thanks for the condolences.. So far takde plan lagi nk buat aper.. Once aku dah hbs syllabus kat Kuantan.. aku blk Klang.. n rehat dulu.. then aku pk aper aku nk buat lepas tu.. Rasanya macam kuantan tak sesuai tuk aku... :)

KOsonG

I can't sleep..
I dunno wut to do..
I dunno where to go..
I feel so empty..

No tears to cry..
No strength to stand..
He brought my spirit with him..

I wanted to go to S'pore but Mummy said, the funeral is in the morning. There's no point. Even if I go, I can't see him. Yea, I wasn't that stable. I regret one thing.. I wasn't there when he left.

He never wanted me to see he went off. But he was my spirit, he was my strength. At the moment, when he's the one who supposed to be motivated, he motivated me. All this while through bad n worst time in life.. he's the one who cheer me up. We don't know for quite a long time.. but we've a chemistry bond. Something which I can't explain.

So many things happened lately.. apart of my rumate n housemate, he's my backbone. Im sure gonna miss him..

#Sorry, kita tak sempat tgk wayang sesama..
Sorry, kita tak sempat cat ur bike sesama..
Sorry, I wasn't there when u 'gone'..

Bila somebody left us forever.. kita rasa kosong..

Kamu seperti hantu
Terus menghantuiku
Ke mana pun tubuhku pergi
Kau terus membayangi aku

Salahku biarkan kamu
Bermain dengan hatiku
Aku tak bisa memusnahkan
Kau dari pikiranku ini

Di dalam keramaian aku masih merasa sepi
Sendiri memikirkan kamu
Kau genggam hatiku
Dan kau tuliskan namamu
Kau tulis namamu

Tubuhku ada di sini
Tetapi tidak jiwaku
Kosong yang hanya kurasakan
Kau telah tinggal di hatiku

# Thanks for the call n sms last nite. Really appreciate it guys. Sorry I can't talk. I just lost my words..