So what??

#This entry mite using harsh word.. bare with me.. Let it be..

I wasn't the one who ask to be this way. I never plan it to be this way. SO please don't pretend as u know what the hell is actually going on. Especially when u hv no idea what I've been thru. All those fucking promises were just merely promises n me just an ignorant who never realize things.. but it's ok as I'm learning along the process..

I'm lucky to be da way I'm rite now to hv someone to rely on. At my condition, my situation.. who cares what actually going on.. well.. yea few do care but what?? I never ask for u ppl to help me out, so no need to hv guilt deep in ur heart coz I don't need it. I simply don't need it. After all, me being 'unwanted' was none in my plan.. In fact, I don't hv a quite perfect, smooth plan.. Mostly, I just go with the flow. I'm not dat lucky so mind me.. what can I do??

Saying about lucky, I can't say.. I'm not lucky coz I'm one of the luckiest person in this universe to hv both parents who love me very much, having a complete bro n sis.. workin on my own though I don't earn that much but more than enoff for me to live my life to the fullest.. SO WHAT?? I never bother about not being this or not being that..

So before things are confirmed.. don't simply make important promises coz u gonna break sum1's heart. Not mine coz mine has broken into pieces few years ago n nvr get back to a piece since then. What life in front of me?? I've no idea.. I just go with the flow..

Some say, I should hv my own plan.. I dont hv any.. SO WHAT??
Don't think things go easy for me.. Don't put me in ur shoes.. Life might be seems simple for me.. get bored on this place, I can simply run away to other place.. Get bored of someone, I can simply turn to other.. YEA RIGHT.. SO WHAT??

Enoff said..
I don't gv a damn.. so leave me alone..

# Teringin nak makan manggisssss.....

Please...

Pernah tak u in a condition whereby u rasa cam nk mati.. due to illness or something??
It hit me for the past few days.. Last nite was the worst.. Rasa macam dah nk mati dah..
Serious, after maghrib jemaah with my family.. badan memang rasa cam dah ringan giler.. then makan medicine.. n terus tdo. Minta nurul get me some more blanket coz mmg rasa cam sejuk giler sampai ketulangbelulang..

Sampai ke subuh.. I was trying hard to sleep tp tak bleh.. Time tu rasa mcm nyawa ni da ujung2 je.. Time tu dah terbayang segala dosa2.. segala salah silap, segala perbuatan jahat.. segala2nya.. All clear before eyes...

Tp since start mula2 sakit, there was one particular person who always there in my dream or keep banging in my head.. I was wondering why I keep thinking about him without realizing, I've done so much wrong towards him. So, this mite be a hint so that I can ask for his forgiveness.. I'm truely sorry for my wrongdoings..

For once again..
I'm asking you.. please let me go.. Please let go of me.. Please FORGIVE me..
Please, Please.. Please..
Kalau ditakdirkan I left this world soon.. I hope u people will forgive me.. Thats all I'm asking..

# I really hope you forgive me.. Somehow, I've forgive everyone.. :p

I'm sick??

Rasanya baru lagi post psal me being sick.. not serious illness.. just fever, cough n flu.. yerla skrg hujan panas tak menentu kan.. so kinda badan pun tak bleh nk adapt.. so dapatla these fever cough n flu complete set. But no worries, still strong enof to fight the illness.. huhuu..

Almost lost my voice.. no.. no.. I dun get that sexy voice.. no.. no.. just can't speak too much or I'll hurt myself.. ermm wutever.. so I would prefer remain silent nowadays..

Yesterday, mmg tak larat nk bgn.. but Alhamdulillah today.. manage to go to work.. siap bleh prepare my own formulation for sunscreen. While trying all the formulations, I was wondering.. all this while kita dah dok tempek all kind of chemicals on our face..if I hv to g thru each and every single chemicals used in those cosmetic products.. for sure bleh sakit jiwa.. most of the chemicals are very toxic to skin.. Darn!!

Byk benda yg kita tau.. buat kita makin takut.. tuk tak??

There's a lot to tell.. tp later la.. tak larat lagi ni..

Nway,
Eg, ada tix murah g KK on d same date tu.. dare to join us?? Jomla.. jomla....

okla.. nite everyone..

#Fatihah to Loloq...

My Deepest Condolescence

My deepest condolescence to my bestfriend Shikin Thamrin for the loss of her dad this afternoon. I was informed that, the father passed away on his way to the hospital and shikin was the one who's driving. I called her, once I shikin super informed me about the loss of her parent. I hope she's strong enof to face this n I know she's strong girl.

Al-Fatihah 4 Arwah Thamrin.. May Allah have mercy and grant peace on him.. Amin

******************************************

Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

Ga Jaman Punya Pacar Satu

Hehehe.. lagu ni layan beb..

KAMU JANGAN CEMBURU
BILA AKU DENGANNYA
SEDANG BERCUMBU CUMBU
DIDEPANMU WAKTU ITU

KAN AKU SUDAH BILANG
CINTA TAK CUKUP SATU
BUKAN HANYA DIRIMU
YG ADA DALAM HATIKU

GA JAMAN PUNYA PACAR SATU SAJA
GA JAMAN PACARAN HARUS SETIA
GA JAMAN CEWE ITU HARUS NGALAH
GA JAMAN CEWE SELALU DIBAWAH

AKU WANITA MASA KINI
KUPUNYA CINTA SANA SINI
TIDAK DIJAJAH LAKI LAKI
TAK AKAN PERNAH SAKIT HATI

KALAU KAU TIDAK MAU
JANGAN JADI PACARKU
PERGI JAUH DARIKU
DAN AKU CARI YG BARU


# Lagu dangdut ni.. tapi layan siott.. hehe... *matila da minat dangdut*

Another sad story...

Remember, I told u about 2 things yg membengangkan?? One has been told in the previous entry n here comes the second one..

It is about a friend of mine. We never be so close but friend is still a friend. Last time she contacted me was few days before her wedding 2 years back. At that moment, I've all the envy in the world for her as she's marrying quite successful engineer and I guess she must hv a very perfect life then. I think, she had her life perfectly plan with smooth n nice way. Once graduated she bumped into this handsome, successful engineer who earns more than 10k a month (what on earth he's been doing to get that much of money ehh??). Got married after 2 months and thats it. I never hear anything from her since then. She moved to far away land (I'm not sure exactly, Sarawak if I'm not mistaken).

After 2 years,
Last week I got an sms from an unknown number. Somehow, the sms was sent to Mom's hp who is using my old hotlink number. I wasn't bother to know who's the sender at first but then when the first sms wasn't replied, the sender sent the second sms. So I called the sender..

The sender is my old fren who got married to the engineer. She was crying talking to me. I don't know where she is, she doesnt want to tell. So I just be a good listener *it's worth to spent almost RM22 if it can lessen someone's burden*

Here comes the story...
Lepas kawin, she was staying with the in laws for 2 weeks before they move to their own house. After 7 months in laws start complaining about her not being a good wife since she can't provide the family with a new offspring. So startla, the family put the blame on her.. saying she just wanna 'makan' the son's wealth. Well, I do wondering y she xnak pregnant.
*This is the point she cyring even harder.. huhuu rasa bersalah plak*. She said, since they tied the know, they only hv sex twice. One on the wedding nite n 4 months after that. How would you expect her to be pregnant.. huhuu.. Bad guy..

Staying at home doing nothing with husband who always stay late at work, make she wonders.. so she hired personal investigator. *If I'm not mistaken again, he is her niece or something like thatla*. She found out that, the husband was not staying late at work but having a nice nite in his friend's place instead.

"Well, its normal if the guys seeing other girls and that is the reason he doesn't want to sleep with me.."
"It's ok? It's so not okay with me"
"At least, u knpw ur husband is a real guy.. still hv lust for a lady rather than found out he's like man more than women."
" Wo wo wo.. wait, what r u trying to implement here?"

It's turn out the husband was gay and his boyfriend *during investigation* was a doctor. Yea MBBS doctor. What the hell is going on nowadays ehh?? So y on earth he's marrying her kan?? After all, dah tau gay watla cara gay.. this stupid asshole guy mmg jahat. Dia kawin just for the sake of his parents. So not very gentlemen.. Cheiittt...

Last few months, the husband died of AIDS and now she's dying of the same virus. Just because of the two times?? Hell yess... he's been carying the virus since they first day of their marriage. I've no right to say anything but though I'm a person full of sin, I would say.. terkutukla the husband who spreading the virus.. Go to Hell..

Why she called me?? Bcoz, she doesn't want me to envy her 'perfect life' any longer. Her life was seems perfect but never be in reality. It was a fantasy from the very beginning. She mite shows the perfect side but the dark side was the real one. Owh.. terasa bersalah coz my envy buat dia risau at the moment she should risau more about her health.

So..
Though, I don't hv that 'perfect life'...
I shoud thank Allah for help me through this life..
It's okay that I don't get a handsome, wealthy husband (yet* hehe)
Perhaps, Allah has a better plan for me..

At this very moment, I kinda tak bleh percaya what happened. Rasa mcm this is not happened.. it just a story I read from magazine or novel or internet or whatever. It shouldn't happened to a person I know.. But this is life.. What they hv in the mag or internet usually based on the real life.. Though my fren is not muslim, but she still human being..

Let's pray for her.. for my dear friend.. Wendy Lim * she neglect the husband name.. still carrying the family name..

Kuang ajo...

Actually ada 2 big story yg hamat membengangkan okay.. tp lets start with the light light one..

Sampai rumah td, I was so hungry *kekdahnya idakla sempat lunch td* so terus panaskan my Shepherd's Pie tp tak lalu nk makan sbb da 2 hari dok makan mash potatoes. *Perut I, still need nasi occay!!* So cari nasi gakla.. Then, my bro n cozin plak nk having dinner.. While eating, dok sembang2 sal lagu2.. Adib was looking for lagu Ketahuan by Matta. I was looking for a song yg aku tatau tajuk.. but ada part tu camni bunyinyer.. 'dan aku tak bisa memilikimu..' -tu je yg aku hafal, sempat dengar kat radio n the way blk keje td..

Lepas makan, adib trus bukak Youtube cari lagu tuh.. tgh dgr2 tu tetiba teringat lak kalo ada member pernah suh aku dgr lagu tuh. yea.. it was the same song.. huhu..

Dari awal aku tak pernah percaya
Kata-katamu karena aku hanya melihat
Semua dari parasmu
Terlanjur kau bilang padaku
Kau tak akan pernah selingkuh
Tetapi ternyata dirimu bermain dibelakangku
Saat ku melihatmu kau sedang bermesraan
Dengan seorang yang ku kenal
Oo..Oo.. Kamu ketahuan pacaran lagi
Dengan dirinya teman baikku
Oo..Oo.. Kamu ketahuan pacaran lagi
Dengan dirinya teman baikku
Tapi tak mengapa aku tak heran
Karena dirimu cinta saatku

"If lagu ni kuar time tu, for sure dia bg lagu ni kat ko..haha"
"Yerla, I know I bad.. no need to repeat so many times la.. bosan"
"Tapi ko lagi dasyat kan?? hahaa" *gelak cam syiall*
It was back then.. it was about feeling.. sometimes, it just hard to understand..just hard to explain..

To u..who know, who u r.. I'm truely sorry.. afterall, it was a whole different story aightt..
Miss the old time.. hehe

Td, while karaoke'ing the song with my bro n adib, nurul plak kutuk..
She says.. " If I were Abang **wa, mesti I gv u this song.. haha.. mmg kene ngan ko kak."
Hampehss.. kuang ajo nye adik..

Yea, I know.. I am a bad person.. so what? Don't I get a chance to repent? To change to be a better person?? Don't I deserve to be given a chance??

Huh...

Somehow, u see... I've told you.. Im such a bad person.. FORGIVE ME FOR BEING ONE..

Picture has been uploaded

Babe,
aku da upload pic.. Tp bloggers cam syiall takmo bg aku upload pic.. so pic was uploaded at MULTIPLY..
so check my multiply up..
http://emilya7282.multiply.com

Enjoy...

R.I.P Heath Ledger!

Shocking news tonight... from BBC News that actor Heath Ledger was found dead in Manhattan, New York.. possibly drug related. He was just 28 years old.

Nway.. y do I hv to bother that much about him..
Coz I just watched his movie few weeks ago n its kinda shock to learn that he's dead..

Somehow, he's handsome.. hehe..

RIP dearest Heathcliff Andrew Ledger (April 4, 1979 - January 22, 2008)

Streamyx cam ke**k

Sorryla yer..
I kinda not in d mood sket sbb streamyx ke**k ni..
The connection punyala slow ya Hammmattt...
Nak upload pic pun makan tahun... so there will be no pic uploaded..
Bengang ni.. Bengang...

Pastu, Mr Kaunselor ajak p tgk Nidji@Ruums... Ahhhh... how I wish..
But, having a very conservative parents.. I should know, the answer will be a big NO.. NO
Dahla for sure, @midnite... where am I heading to afterwards???
Mr K tu pun tak sound awal2.. hampehss sungguh :p

Ermm.. byk benda yg nk diceritakan as usual la kan.. :p
Tp I'm very la the malas one..
Nowadays, MALAS is part of me..
Dimana ada me, disitu ada MALAS..
Dah sebatila ngan jiwa dan raga gue..
So peram jela.. sampai I terlupa.. hehe

Nway, to all my friends yg menyambut Thaipusam.. Happy Thaipusam..
To App, u g angkat kavadi ker td? sibuk tanya sal org.. mesti byk kelapa *kelapa yer.. bukan kepala* yg u dah pecahkan tuk cuci dosa kan? :-"
To Kuantan's friends.. - Okla tu.. takyah cuti time2 Thaipusam ni.. bukan Sammy Vellu nk jemput makan g umah dia pon.. :p
To Mr K - hehee... I'm not as what u think I am.. :D

#Dah start bosan kat itm ni.. nk lari g mana lak???

About a fren..

Some1 ask me about a friend of mine..
It's been a while tak dgr citer sal dia..
He's very busy kot..
I pun da lama tak ol *cheitt* I mean, dah lama tak nampak dia ol..
Tetibe, my friend tanya 'Idup lagi ke dia?'
I was like.. :-O
Erkk.. I don't know... tp takde sapa bitau anything happened to him..
Maknanya dia masih idup lg la kot.. hehee..

Me..
Being a bad friend.. hehe..
So out of curiousity, just tanya soon to be housemate of his.. if he is ok..
kawan tu kata, he's fine.. okla..
So Amir, my reply is.. Yes.. dia idup gik..
Makin kaya bah kawan tu skrg, tu yg tak nampak kawan2 tuh..hehe :p

* Aku masih dlm *malas mode* so malas nk upload pic.. later2 la k.

Nice weekend ;)

I went to Kuantan with Nurul, my sista..
It was a very short holiday but it's worth it..
Plan nk p ganu tak kesampaian as masing2 woke up late so I'm afraid I couldn't make it nk blk KL plak mlmnya. Tired oo..
So just having nice them with those ppl.
Miss them very much despite what happened :p

Pic will be uploaded soon..
Byk menda nk citer nih but I kinda busy at the moment.. Later k..
Oh ya, last nite saw an accident near the Batu Caves flyover..
I thought I saw Leman.. It was white satria n my mind was directly thinkin of him..
There are few guys in the car n one of them can get out while the rest stuck..
Blood was all over.. it was everywhere..
They hit a motorcycle, and the motorcylist can't be seen ..
Rasanya dah tercampak n jatuh bawah flyover tu.. coz the guy yg kuar with blood on his face tu, g jenguk kat bawah..
Owh.. I didn't wear my specky so my sight a bit blurry.. huhu..

Reached on safely around 8.30pm. Gerak from Kuantan lbh kurang 4.30pm then lepak kat R&R for half n hour..
I was being a good driver yesterday.. Drive mengikut hadlaju yg ditetapkan.. not more than 110km/h.. memang mengantuk giler but hey.. utk keselamatan right??

There are few things nk citer.. later la k.. later.. hehe

# Tunggu masa nk kene marah ni. huhuu
* The Counsellor da start cucuk jarum.. let be or cut off directly?? ;)

Cookies...

Asal entry kali ni ber'title'kan cookies??
Sebab at this very moment, I tersangatla laparnyer.. n the only things yg bleh di makan hanyalah cookies.. Sedey..sedey.. I need something to eat.. huhuu..

Hari ni rasa cam nk pitam pun ada. Patutnya rehat from 12.15 - 2.30. Tp I tak rehat langsung xcept for zuhur dlm 10 min je pun. Letih.. keje.. keje.. keje..

Esok, I definitely going to Kuantan. To have 2 days off. Afterall, dah lama gak I tak berjalan.. since parents da blk ni.. so better take leave b4 I kene start working on weekend. Trust me, by next week.. weekend will be spent in the lab. huh..

Guys in Kuantan..See you tomorrow.. ;)
* org tua ni dah ngamuk sbb aku tak keje esok.. hampehss.. suker akula nk cuti weekend ni.. walaupun gaji tinggi sket, tp tak berbaloi gak kalo hidup takde kebebasan... Damnit..

An Investigation

Ma & Pa @Medina

Someone from U*A called me few days ago n asked for a date.. gilor ko hapo..
But he seems nice, but I know nothing bout him n he knows much bout me. Said he got my number from a friend. All I know bout him is, he's working @ STADD U*A and his name is WAN. Just WAN. Out of curiousity, I asked my fren who's working there to find out for me..

Yeay, I finally found his id, his office number, his picture n his position.
So what's next??

Oni suggested that, I should just go with the flow. I should at least give myself a chance to enjoy life. Not to think about my horrid past, get over it n have fun knowing new ppl. Well, I don't know. Perhaps, I should just wait n see.. Thanks oni fer the hardwork.. hehe..

I thought he is Kelantanese, but he is not. Whatever, there must be a reason..
Wonder why he wanna get to know me in the first place.. He must hv his own reason.. but he looks good.. :D hehe..

Ikmal invite me for a makan2 at one place.. very special one.. wah my 'kehantuan' makan become so xcited. I'll find one fine day for it later. It's been a while ehh tak kuar makan sesama..

Work...
Got 5 tasks to be completed by March. I misplaced one important thing which cost us RM2k one tiny sacchet. So esok for sure I'll be scolded till faint *matilah pengsan*..
Proposal need to be changed at the very last minute.. kinda bengang giler tak hengat.. so I'm thinking to run away to Kuantan this weekend. Yeay.. I'm away to Kontan.. perhaps bleh g ganu.. at least kat pantai yg ada batu cantik tu.. at least.. if possible g makan kopok lekor n colek kat airport.. huhuu... nk g kontan, nk g kontan, nk g kontan.......

Wonder, if I got to work this saturday.. huhuu...waaaaa... nk g holiday....

Stay together..

Alhamdulillah, my parents landed safely @KLIA around 1.30am. Once Papa called, nurul & I shot directly. We took only 30 minutes to get there.. haha.. gler rempit :p

Got there by 2am, then setelkan all the barang2 n blk rumah. Reached home around 3am. So everything went well, my parents are all in good condition, healthy, happy n a bit tanned :D

They didn't do much shopping maybe this is their 2nd Hajj, n previously they went for Umrah so they not really into shopping. Tertunggu2 gak apa2 for me.. but nan ado.. hehee.. just normal little thing hmm jubah, tudung etc.. I'm not really into those stuffs but nway Thanks a lot.

Mom was a bit shocked to see what we have at the kitchen. I spent almost 2.5k to buy something. It's more than a month salary of mine ok. Last two months salary was left unspent since I spent too much on bonus n some money I've spared for KK trip. So with a month salary with addition of few hundreds, I bought something for the whole family. At least ada gak something contributed for the whole family from me.. hehee.. (Papa tak masuk dapur lagi, I wonder if he get mad.. huhuu)

Td ppl da start datang rumah (hey, I ponteng arini..tired oo..). So since mom still in jetlag mode, she can't cook. N dah jd our tradition, guest mesti dihidangkan with nasi n lauk pauk.. so I guess my day akan penat memasak jela. For lunch td I've prepared gulai ayam and ikan kembung masak sambal with simple veggy. Jap g nk prepare aper lak tataula..

I'm still sleepy tp my parents mesti lg sleepy but still they hold on for the guests.. Cannot wait later ke?? :p

I think, I need to sleep..

# Hv I ever lost a diamond while busy collecting stone?? Erkk, hv I ever get one?? :p

My attempt..

Hola..

Hye guys.. It's been a while aku tak menghapdet blog dari blogger, biasanya d previous entry aku tulis kat multiply n link kan je ke blogger ni. Aritu blogger cam gilbabs menyebabkan aku mls nk access blogger.. Somehow, korang je yg rajin tgk blog aku ni.. plus hanya korang yg tau the add..

Kalo tak Ros, Eg, takpun Beah n shifa.. muka2 tu jela.. :p
So how r u guys doing overthere?? Heard lotz of fun things happened recently.. Yeay... Enjoy the moments..

Nothing much to tell u guys just that I getting busier (ada ke word ni?). Sampai nk kuar lunch pun kene pk 2-3 kali, if say aku nk makan kat luar.

Eg, projek baru aku skrg ni mcm menarik sket.. bgi makan tongkat ali kat tikus, pastu cek saiz testis dia.. menarik beb... tiap minggu aku bedah tikus, pastu cari testis dia.. hahaa.. Ada sesapa kat sana yg nk jd subject aku?? Makan tongkat ali je.. jangan risau, kalo test tuk manusia aku tak ukur saiz testis dia... kita ukur benda lain... (wah, apakah???)

Nay la.. Just kidding..

Ohya, ada citer menarik, last wiken aku g rumah yo n odah, they just moved to Puncak Jalil so kinda housewarming party la kot.. Everyone in the geng was there xcept app n aloy. Nuar as usual membotakkan dirinya due to tahun baru. in fact dia cukur everyday his head. Odah, dah mencecah 6 months. So yo akan dapat his rio junior perhaps middle of april. Oni n Farah dah bertunang. Toroy da makin sihat, perut dia mengalahkan perut odah.. hehee..

Mike dah dapat awek or potential calon wife but still looking around ne tau ada yg lg bagus. But the moment, he sounds confident about this girl. (hmm rasanya sumer girl yg dia suka or his potential calon, dia rasa confident :p). Nuar dah tukar few girlfrens since the last one yg buat ktorg gaduh gilbabs tu. That one tahan a month je kot, then ada yg baru tahan 2 minggu n begitula seterusnya. The latest ni, menurut Farah... tak macam yg sblm2 ni. Perhaps yg ni paling pelik coz apa?? aku pun tatau.. bila ktorg tanya cantik ke? She avoid to answer.. hmm kinda pelik nuar nk ngan org tak cantik kan.. cheitt.. haha..

Apa2 pun, so happy dpt kumpul2 blk.. For sure, aku la yg byk kene bahan.. Mak tak kuasa tau!

Esok my parents blk. Please doakan keselamatan mereka. Thanks..
Bila aku nk g Kuantan ntah ni.. huhuu.. barang aku mesti da menyemak kat umah tu.. Sabar ehh.. aku usahakan minggu depan.. okies..

p/s: Tgkla citer P/S I love you... tangkap nangis aku..sampai bengkak2 mata.. huhuuu.. To those yg giler tgk citer korea or japanese or taiwan.. sila layari http://www.mysoju.com byk giler citer yg bleh ditonton.. Slamat membuang masa... ;)

What a wonderful life...

I've been busy lately.. In fact for the past few months I was so busy n I almost never hang out with bunch of friends. Yea, admit that. It's my fault perhaps coz nvr been able to allocate some of time for friends.. but things happened anyway n I don't wanna regret it.

Shitam told me earlier that she'll get engage by December 07, and wanted me to be there. But it's January 08, she didn't call or anything. So I just gv her a call n she said it was postponed. So, ok.. wish u happy dear!

Talk to another friend of mine, who is my travelmate to Bandung. It's kinda shock to know he's engaged without tell any of us. Well, sometimes I do wonder but he said, 'b'tunang' is not important at all. Okla.. Aperpun Congratulation for the engagement to my dearest Onizuka n Farah. Wish u all the happinest in the world. Somehow, they'll be leaving to ?????? soon. Farah gonna pursue her PhD overseas.. What a great life isn't it.. :) Double congrats for both of u..

What a life...
I gotta to change my proposal like 360 degree when i've to change the topic. I gotta to do some research on cosmetic. I was in nutraceutics b4 n now I'm handling the cosmetic units so I've to do something related. Why on earth, tak bitau awal2.. now it seems like starting a new thing. THANK YOU for such unpleasent thing. Huwaaaaaaaa..

Apart than that, now our lab is the Center for nutraceutics n cosmetics amender ntah.. so boss will be xtremely busy n I was appointed to be a lousy PA. To be honest, I'm not an organize person, how could he expect me to organize his meeting's schedulu n whatsoever..

Life is wonderful, I'll take it as a challenge to myself & I'll do my best..

# It's time to be positive...
* Durian tu just sekadar gambar hiasan.. Teringin nk makan durian.. huhuu

Who care

My Tante sms-ed just now telling me that grandma will come over so that I've to fetch her. She insist to come so that she can go with us to fetch my parents. Since, I dun really like her n we hv had bad history together, I asked my bro to pick my grandma up. But he decline so worst come to worst, I called my aunty to tell grandma that nobody will pick her up. So pepandaila..

Its not that I being rude or what but having her in our house at this situation wont bring anything good. We gonna hv cat n dog fight all day long. I hate it when she nags once I get home from work.. Damn, dia ingat I went for main2 ke jalan2 ke? Everyday asking to be brought out jenjalan like keluar tu tak kuar duit. Well, that not the main reason afterall...

When our parents away for Hajj, she decided to blk kampung.. I said OK. On the next day, when Papa call, I told him about the nenek thingy n he said send her n gv her some pocket money. So I did. Papa reminded us not to buy anything for that old lady coz somehow she's coming back after few weeks.. tp org tue tu minta byk benda. Nk blk, gv her pocket money lg, then once kat kg.. citer ni citer tu kat orang.. n I simply say..."How dare u do this to us, afterall my mom sorang je yg still anggap u as mom.. ur other child sumer da serender with u. U nvr respect ur menantu including my dad though he's d one yg bg u makan n duit segala macam. Once my parents takde, u left.. bila derang da nk blk u nk dtg sini blk.. u come just to show how u care about us..in fact, all u know is asking money, asking this, asking that.. u think about all ur grandchild, but u nvr think about us.. at least about Jamil. Though u r my grandma, but u nvr gv a damn bout us.. so I dont need u. U need not to come.."

Just go away.. I hate her.. I hate her so much.. I'm trying to be a better person, but tonite I'm really pissed off..

Esok gerenti, mom will marah me.. but I dont care.. kalo that old lady ada anak2 lain yg nk amik dia.. go ahead but me.. NEVER!

If Only

Td tgh bosan2 ai layan citer 'If Only'. Citer lama ni, tp since ai suke sangat citer ni, terharu sangat ngan watak boifren actress tu.. tak dapat boifren camtu, tgk pun jadilah kan.. huhuu..
Wat to do.. itu movie yer tak :p
Td ada hal sket kat Kota Damansara, pastu ajak member lunch sama.. Plan nk lunch kat area Ikano, tp punyalah bercinta nk cari car park, sudahnya ai just g byr tix (semestinyala free kan.. dah kejap je pun) n head kuar p area TTDI. Jadinya cuma makan kat Pizza. Huh.. dah kul 3 time tu, pala pun da pusing, msuk angin bagai.. migrainla jawabnya, so bercintala nk habiskan mexican kebenda yg ai order tu. Tp my salad as usual mmg licin.
Sorry eh bang, lenkali i banje u for ur belated b'day tu. Td ai was running out of cash la.. hehe..

The 'abang' keep teasing me about Mr S getting his new Merz Compressor kejadahnya ntah.. Like ai care, serious I dun care, in fact kalo betul.. ai la paling happy coz ai bleh ckp, my x tu berjaya da skrg ni.. (yuckss).. but still, he still using his Merz S series aka Savvy birunya ittew yer kengkawan.. Aperpun lets wish him all the best tu get what he dreams of.. rather then we keep him in his dream kan :p

Nway, just got info.. dayang admitted for appendicitis. Wish her get well soon. Somehow she's pregnant now, but there should be no problem kan?? I was not really in contact with her.. ni pun td kebetulan I met some frens @TTDI tu.. they say so..

Whut else?? New year resolution, biar lebih afdal kan in Maal Hijrah aka Awal Muharram ni.. I've set few resolution yg pastinya biasa je but very important indeed. Maybe easy for others but for me yg jahat n liat n tak dengar kata n degil ni.. mmgla agak kurang senang untuk dilakukan dgn commitment yg tinggi.
My new year resolution:
* Takmo tgl solat (ermm byk lobang gak skrg ni.. so kene betulkan diri blk..)
* Solat awal waktu (ni la yg plg teruk, always dapat telur.. dah nk hbs2 waktu br nk gerak..)
* No more hanging out yg tak berfaedah
* Save at least 4k a year ( ni pepandaila nk wat camne.. think..think..think..) obviously without tolak plan g jenjalan tahunan yer..
* I wanna be a good girl. Last year, I promised to myself to be one.. even told Oni bout it.. tp tak jd gak, tak jalan gak.. so this year ai try my best.

So far tu je yg I've in mind yg bleh didedahkan.. :p the rest ai will keep in my pocket.. okies..

# Semalam adalah hari kene marah sedunia, n I was really pissed off gilbabs n since ai ni the cozin of bos, ai sorang je yg brani jawab which cost me 'tengkingan dewa 19'. Damn!! I'm mad, n I'm in my protest mode.. tu yg buat rasa cam nk pindah uni plak ni.. thinking of USM plak. Thinking of doing my project kat sana.. bleh ke? ke tak bleh?.. Getting bored with this environment.. Kat Kuantan blh tahan 1 year.. ni less one year ni dah rasa nk blah..

Owh, rasanya should put one more resolution..
AI KENE MENJADI ORANG YG SABAR AND TABAH. JANGAN JADI BARAN & HANGIN MANJANG JE.. (wonder...)

Panas....

Day started with notverygood starting. My new year resolution need to be reconsidered..huhuu..

Succeeded be @office b4 8.30. N punch card was properly punched for the past few days. But today, I could say, really menguji kesabaran me as pemandu yg sangat tak penyabar.. HELL..

I couldnt blame anybody but I wanted to blame those ppl who responsible for this hangat day of mine.. Arghh tensen.tensen.tensen.. damn tensen. I wonder, asal the guards were so rajin sangat nk do checking on car one by one..resulted in heavy traffic from traffic lite sect. 7 to the back entrance. I was trapped for almost 30 minutes kat situ jek. Padahal it wont take more than 5 minutes pun...

Dahla jammed gilbabs, gate dibuka just one side.. sahsahla sesak.. bongoksss nye guard.. Kalo yer pun nk check sesatu ce wat cam uia, satu lane for staff n satu lane for visitor..kan senang.. bongokssss... sakit jiwa n raga aku.. demmm!

Ermm arini not very good day.. Me geram ngan guard yg ngengada pagi ni... arghhh!!!

Me as a parent.. :D

I went to Jamil's school this morning (dgn niat hati nk sound sket cikgu dia). But once I got there, the teacher was around yet. So I just carikan seat for him (I make sure he sits on the front seat). While waiting for the teacher, ajak my lil bro g cafe erkk canteen.. but dia takde selera so again waiting for the teacher in the class. Then, I ajak g cari the teacher kat bilik guru.. Dah kul 7.30am but tak nmpk batang idung cikgunyer gik..

Kat teachers room tu, ada sorang cikgu yg sangatla mudanya.. tgk orang pun cam takut2. Aku being so nice, salam2 ngan cikgu tu.. tanya sapa guru kelas 2 Azam. Rupa2nya cikgu tu ler.. Berdiri2 tu aku tanya asal buat last minute change in school session.. nyusahkan orang len.. bukan sumer orang free.. rupa2nya ramai gak org yg tersalah hanto anak.. tp tgk muka cikgu yg cam kesian tu.. takper arr..hal jamil pun da setel.. ask her to take a good care of my bro. Aku siap ckp, if anything 'sy cari cikgu'. As my sister says, ' you're scary'.. hehe.. who cares.. ne tau kang ada kawan2 dia nk buli my bro tu.. sapa yg susah..(kononnyerla)

Then, lepas setel the yuran, buku teks n ntah hapa2 ntah la bagai.. hantar the lil bro g class dia balik.. tunggu jap till sumer dah masuk n sit dlm kelas.. baru aku g keje..ramai gak makpak yg tunggu je anak2 kat luar tu. I'm working, so dun expect me to wait till dia hbs kelas.. lgpun he's Std 2 dah though dia baru 7 yrs old. Ada experience g class da pun..

For sek agama, I can't send him so just pass over kat Nurul. Siap suh Nurul tunggu sampai derang blaja baru blk.. hehee..tp the boy was so shy, suh kakak dia blk... dia bukannya budak kecik lagi sampai nk kene tunggu. Well, my lil bro da besar skrg..hehee..

Total up yuran for both school = RM150
Buku for both school = RM120
Baju, kasut n etc = RM150
Total = RM420

Cube bygkan sorang anak cost u this much.. ni tak masuk lg yg ntah haper2 ntah tu. Tu kira cara kasar jela what I've spent for Jamil. So all the studs out there, study smart.. sian kat makpak yg keje penat2 cari duit tuk hantar anak2 p skul.

# Td I met erkk get to know someone. Something on him yg remind me of someone.. Puas pk all the way to UiTM. Rupa2nya his lips, mouth.. its remind me of Mr S. Pastu plak, in the lift someone has the same smell mcm yaab.. hehe..

Stressed Out

Arini Jamil first day.. since its his 2nd year at elementary school so I dun really bother nk g hantar him masuk kelas coz kene rushing nk hantar eika lak. That was my mistake la.. my bad..

Well, it was my fault but it was school biggest stupid mistake in the first place. We got surat pekeliling or memo from school bitau Std 2 nyer student will be in the evening session.. pastu aku pun sent the lil boy to skul agama in the morning n rushing g hantar eika. Sudahnya my parents call from saudi marah2 coz I couldnt take care the only bro..

My dad pissed off giler2 coz anak sulungnya being unresponsible sista.. adik sorang pun takleh nk take care. N at that moment aku rasa cam nk p skul adik aku tu, nk hantuk2 pala cikgu2 dia. How come those teachers can simply change session ikut suka hatiperutmakpakdia je.. I'm soooo going to serang the teachers tomorrow morning.. I'm sure will..

Bila aku call one of my sis ex-teacher yg still keje kat skul tu, he simply said... they told those who came to pay yuran (ni lagi satu.. yuran dikurangkan.. tp aku kene byr lagi mahal.. penipu nye stetmet reduction of skul fees) on Jan 2. Well, aku tak g on that day coz I was working. Plus, check aku tak deposit lg.. so duit nan ado.. so I don't know.. Arghh Im so maddddd...

Ngan parents dok bising2 kata anak bongsu dia diabaikan.. im soooo tired.. I do..
Aku nk setelkan adik2 aku.. all of them.. blk keje gotta cook plak coz the bro tak makan maid nye cooks, so nk taknak aku kene gak masuk dapur. Financial rumah, nak tak nk aku kene handle. Bills, car loan n so on so forth.. aku gak.. all on my shoulder..

I salute all the working mothers out there.. I couldn't be one.. skrg ni aku rasa sangat tak larat.. I gotta find some1 yg prefer me staying at home lepas kawin.. hehee.. ;)

Worried

My bro having high fever n I'm so f**king worried..
Im not a good sista either..
Not having a good day worrying over the lil boy..
Sent him to clinic, the usual Dr wasnt around.. but he got one shot.. punyala menangis meraung macam patah kaki..
Till now still tersedu sedan lagi.. though in sleep..
Mesti missing mom n dad..
Esok da skul, so I'm gonna be at work a bit late la.. nk setelkan all the admin stuff.. tghhari bro will take over..

Wonder what of it is my own kid??
For sure tak tdo lg mcm last nite.. I'm dizzzzzzy.. I'm tiredddd...