I'm back fer a while

I've no idea why on earth did I update this blog. Hahahahampehhss...
It's been a while since I wrote something here. I was so terribly busy for the past 2-3 months. N will be for the next 1 week. Owh, got two more products to be set in stability chamber. I don't have all the time in the world to do that. I've exactly 4 days which equal to 28 hours to finish off everything. N not to mention I've to waste some time on the road as per travelling to Bangi will consume at least 45mins one way. N I definitely have to go at least 2 times there. Which left me only 24 hours to do dispensing, granulation, milling, blending, compressing, packing and finally I can put in the chamber. Chaiyokkk Cici...

I just missing the old friends lately. Well, I think I miss the old time. Where life is so easy going. Don't have to struggle working like a whore.. damn. Gotta be patience for another few months before I can started looking for another job.. Holly Hollyday.. lol..

I just love Bruno Mars with his new song 'Just the way you are'.
Is there anyone would love me just the way I am?? lol..



Enjoy the song..

Merry X'mast and Happy New Year..
Have a nice holiday.. Stay happy and safe..

Luncheon with PRC team member

We had early lunch with PRC team member from Bangi. Bos blanja mkn domino's.Okla as he nvr blanja us before.ahaks.hancur diet.I had 5 pieces. gumukssss....

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Bangi Kopitiam yg tak sedap

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Office Shoes

boss takde so sgtla mls nk wat keje.huhu

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First post by Android

with tired looks..lepas kenduri,lepak jap b4 aunt blk.

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Day 56

So damn tired. I'm covering both injectable and solid products now. How am I going to work on both? 3 days in a row went to Bangi and traveling add on my tireness..

My back pain is still there.. I'm rely on the pain killer as the muscle relaxer only works at nite.
Going to Kenyir soon. Hopefully I can make it la.. ehhehee

Oh, lupa... Happy Belated Birthday Onah, Awik.. & Happy becoming birthday the rest who going to celebrate their birthday soon..

Cioww

Day 45

Semalam n today very tiring. We manufactured the very first PV batch of our baby product. We've been working so hard for this, and now it is the 'making it real' time. So, it happened that we did really make it real. I'm so excited about this, though I'm only joined the team for like 45 days. yet, I've been involving in this for the past few weeks. Sangat excited to be there and witness the whole processes. To see all the new machines running smoothly, to join the operators in some aspect,to inspect some of the products produced. I would say,I love it very much. MrHizbullah is a very nice person. Very understanding, the best manager ever, the handsome, charming and the list goes on.. (hahaa.. )

The senior manager, Mr DON, as for Donald.. is excited as well. Time to time he will come to the observer side and show sign of 'Fighting/All the best/ Work hard!' using his hand. Like to motivate his subordinates to work hard and telling them, he'll support him from outside.

Why is it he didn't not come in to the manufacturing side? Well, we need to do some gowning which is very tedious. So I guess, he doesn't want to waste time on gowning as he can observe from outside. Everything is sterile. I get into the unclassified area wearing suit like astronauts..haha top to toe with orange color suit. Unfortunately we can't even bring handphone or else I should hv put my picture here..haha

To go into the Gred C area, I need to do another gowning, which I need to cover the orange suit using a sterile white suits which also cover top to toe. Then, shoes will be covered with booties. Staying in the Gred C area for 3 hours can make me collapse when I get back home.

But, honestly I enjoyed my time there.

Met Khairizal, the person who responsible for hiring me there. He was relocated there as the previous person was transferred to Bukit Raja. He still remember me. In fact, he's the one who calling me out when I about to go to parking space. It was almost 7, he was still there and I was about to go back. I love the environment here, I just like to be there. But then, I need to be at the HQ as I'm the only formulator left. Learn as much as I can.. Grab as many knowledge as possible.

Going to Singapore plak for coating training?? Haihh!!
Training in PMB plak, then seminar at KLCC lg.. bila nk cuti ni??

Day 40

It's monday again.
I spent too much on shopping lately. Kenduri on every weekend, which leads Mom n Me to buy baju for the nikah session, majlis berinai, and the big day itself. One wedding with 3 new baju. Kurung, kurung, and kurung again? a bit bosan already, so I get myself a kebaya panjang and another kebaya pendek. So, on the nikah session, I'll wear the kebaya panjang (since, it will be at Masjid of course, biar sopan sketla.), the nite session, I'll go with the long abaya and kebaya pendek for sunday part.

My sisters got their baju as well. When we were shopping last weekend, an aunty pop up a question (she wondered why on earth we shopped too much baju), whether it is my wedding since the whole family bought baju for every single occasion. Ahakss wedding org len, we plak yg melaram. Whateverla, asalkan we all happy.. aight!!

This weekend, wedding Zatty & Apek, next week my cozin's, then on the week after holiday to Ganu. 3 days break! But sorry I won't be able to drop by Kuantan. It's a very tight schedule.
Trainings, seminars n meetings.. How bored!

Hey, I accidently met my ex-boyfriend's kid.. adorable.. I wanted to hv my ownla plak kan.. (tetiba je).. owh how I miss my baby.. upssss.. baby darling.

Day 37

It's my 37th day here working at this Pharma com.
So far everything is ok (xcept for my allergy, getting worst)..
But, I need to learn a lot of things. Seems like I know nothing at all.. luckily I'm computer and Google literate.. haha.. anything I just nod and then go back and google. Thank you Mr Google!

Getting closer to BP, USP, MIMS, RXlist, DrugInfo, DailyMed, Martindale and the list goes on...

I realize one thing, I hate meeting. I take it as wasting my time as I need to learn a lot and almost one third of my time in a week was wasted on meeting. Some meeting is unnecessary for me yet I need to attend. However, I take the positive side and I hope I learn something during the meeting.

# I'm missing my oldself.. huhuu

1st May - Happy Labour Day

Selamat Hari Pekerja to all Pekerja in the world.. For the first time in my life, I rasa mcm pekerja in the real meaning of word. Hehee..
It's been a while tak jenguk ke blog sendiri... maklumla da start tersangat buzy, kadang2 balik kerja pun tak dan nk ol.. Oh, I forgot to tell that I'm working now... officially working wakakakaa..
Yesterday, exactly 30 days, I've been working with the company.

Actually, there's a lot to say. But honestly speaking. I hate to stay in front of pc for a long time. Perhaps it due to my age. Hahaa..

Wish me all the best!! Both experience exec. tender their resignation last 2 weeks. The other one is resigning in few weeks to come. So, it will leave me with super workload covering 3 people at least until new staffs join us. Which we can only say, GOD knows WHEN!!

# I keep mimpikan seseorang for the past few days. Is he okay??
To YOU: take a good care of yourself as I'm not around to take care of you.. (cehh.. ayat sangat poyo.. :p )

Hatiakuyangdegil!!

Dah lama da aku nk let go. N da lama gak aku cuba tuk let go. Dah berganti2 org aku gunakan tuk rebounce.. still hati aku lekat dgn saksamanya. Aku tak let go lagi. All this while aku ingat da lupa, da tak ingat. Adil ke kalo aku dgn org lain tp hati n otak pk sal org lain. Bukan baru sekali.. dah terlalu byk kali. Padahal sumpah, aku tak pernah cuba nk call/sms dia.. kitaorg mmg da lost contact. Unless ada je manusia yg dgn baik hati nk bercerita ttg dia pada aku.. tp aku blh lg berfikiran waras.. Deymm!!

Tolong bitau apa nk buat tuk let go perasaan aku ni.Kalo betul ada jodoh, n aku nk kawin.. aku nk betul2 takde perasaan kat org len.. hanya tuk laki aku sorang je hati aku. Tp keadaan camni, buat aku mcm org bengong..

Tak adil, kalo aku hidup ngan org lain tp dhati aku pk pasal org lain.. lg2 kalo org tu suami aku. Karma ke neh?? huhuu..

Kawan aku kata, ko tulis email kat dia...bgtau perasaan ko then ko send kat dia.. kira cam ko da lepaskan perasaan tu then at the same time ko akan let go perasaan tu. Yo la tu.. cissss
Kang aku send org tu gelak guling2 baca email aku... takde maknanya okehhh..

HAPPY 30th ANNIVERSARY MOM & DAD..

LOVE YOU BOTH!!

CONGRATS MIKE & WIFE
FOR THE LOVELY WEDDING!!

Memalukan..

Sangat memalukan

&

Aku sangat malu okeyh..

Langit tak selamanya cerah...

Lama gak tak update blog neh.. malas+busy+serabot+stress=?? kes
Past one week, hati agak resah sket. Jiwa kacau.. dosa lama menghantui jiwa n then dosa baru dibuat secara tidak sengaja di dalam kesengajaan. Bergunung2 dosa aku, sampai sentap sekejap dok p marah2 orang lain. Walaupun benda tu salah aku gak tp it takes two to tango. Hehe.. ape kene mengena ntah.. malas nk pk! Lepas aku sure n yakinkan keadaan sebenarnya tetiba jadi sedih.. kesedihan dalam kelegaan. Pastu aku jd sengal, bengal n yg sewaktu dgnnya. Hal2 hati & perasaan ni bukan blh ikut sedap je kan, silap2 hari bulan blh membunuh cam citer Tari Tirana. Opss.. abaikan..

Sbb kecewa ngan dri sendiri aku g marah org lain. Somehow org tu pun contribute gak kat salah aku td.. so wajarla kalo aku marah2, biasala hormon ppuan tgh tak betul.. biasa je kot marah2. Tu pun tak reti2 lagi. Da lepas tu, dia buat bodo cam takde apa yg berlaku. Ok. Aku pun heran ntah apa2 saja yg aku nmpk kat dia. That's it, aku da tekad n nekad.. lol..

Mr PJ aka Z, da melangkah setapak ke hadapan. Aku pun da malas nk main tarik2 tali.. kalo ni jodoh aku, aku pasrah je terima.. lgpun malas nk dgr kiri kanan dok suh buat the big K tu. Aku ni je takde hati lg.. kalo nk dari tahun2 lepas aku blh war warkan kat segala makhluk2 yg berkenan kat aku tu kan.. kalo aku nk.. agaknya tahun ni da anak da kot.. wakakkaa... tp tu la org kata, blom jodoh aku.. nk wat camne kan.. lol

Aku kene present project aku bln depan, tiba2 rasa cam tak tau nk ckp apa.. maklumla da dekat setahun aku tinggal. Aku g Puncak Alam blk, minta permission nk guna barang.. okla incik itu bg aku guna brg tp jumaat je.. pehtu suh aku gne hplc kat lab lain.. bla aku tgk hplc tu da KO.. so maknanya aku kene hold gak keje aku.. mmgla aku ada all the time in the world kan??
Tp takpela.. aku jd org yg sabar ehh.. sabarla sangat kan??


"The better a man is, the more mistakes he will make, for the more new things he will try. I would never promote to a top-level job a man who was not making mistakes...otherwise he is sure to be mediocre."
- Peter Druker

My err twenty err eifive birthday...

Aku tak blh nk terima kenyataan ini. Sangat tidak boleh.
SUci, kau sudah TUA!!!
Umur da makin meningkat, amal dlm hidup sangatla kurang..
Achievement still NIL..

Td, a call from him.. "OK, Happy Birthday ya. Kirim salam mama n papa. Bgtau nnt sy nk datang ngan family jumpa mama n papa. Solat jangan sesekali tinggal. Rajinkan buat puasa sunat. Kalau boleh selalu sembahyang sunat malam."

Aku terdiam, kelu tatau nk cakap apa. MasyaAllah.. jauhnya aku dari jalan yg sebenarnya. Apa yg aku cari selama ni. Yang aku tau, aku bukanlah perempuan yg layak untuk dia.
Aku mula syak, mgkn dia ni dlu budak IRK bukan budak HS. Tp maybe dia takmo bgtau dia dak IRK sbb nmpk cam baik sangat. In fact sangat baik. Cakap mcm cakap ngan ustaz.

Owh.. terasa giler aku da tua ok.. Lg 2 tahun aku cecah kepala 3 n itu amat merunsingkan aku!!
Deymmnn.. opss.. terswear plak..

Btw, walopun aku tau takde sapa sgt yg baca blog inih.. adalah dgn ini sy ingin mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih atas wish2 birthday yg korang bagi tu.. korang mmg pandai ingatkan betapa aku da tua ye.. Thank you.. Thank you..

Futnot: Secret recipe Durian Cheese ialah birthday cake this year.. hehe .. yummy!!

Pulut Kuning..

SERABOT!!!

Tu yg menggambarkan hati aku skrg ni. Da ckp ngan few ppl pun hati masih lg tak karuan. Dlu time Mike was in the state of insecure about this topic, pandai plak aku nk nasihatkan dia. Sekalinya kene kat batang idung sendirik rasa cam nafas tersekat. I can't breath.

If aku kenal dia da lama, dia da kenal aku camne, aku da tau dia camne. Mgkn ni bukanlah masalah besar kot. Masalahnya aku baru je kenal dia. Tatau lg hati budi dia camne. Dia pun tatau aku ni jenis mcm mana. Tu yg jd serabot. Camne nnt kalo dia da kenal aku tiba2 dia tak suka.. I mean, I was a bad person back then. Ntahla..

Dia kata nk hantar family dia datang rumah. Terpulang aku la nk terima ke nk tolak. Giler ko.. takkanla aku nk malukan org da datang jauh2. So aku ckp, gimme sometimes. Aku tatau camne nk bgtau mama. Aritu ada gak berkias2 ngan mama.

Mama cakap, "Abeh tu nk tunggu sapa lagi? Syaril? dia da jadi laki orang dah, ke ci nk jd bini no 2? Ataupun A**? Mati hidup balik pun dia takkan ingat ci dah mama rasa. Hmm ke N***? Kalau dia mama tgk mcm nk main2 je. Kalau serius dari dlu lagi dia da serius. Nak tunggu sapa lagi?? Umur tu bukan makin kurang, makin bertambah. "

Hmm.. aku nk tunggu sapa lg?? Aku nk org yg tau aku. terima aku seadanya n tak expect apa2 dari aku. Tp kalo baru kenal camne.. mmgla sumernye manis, sumernya baik.. ke aku yg takmo terima kenyataan?? serius.. aku serabot!!

huhuuu

Kahwin.. I

Hi la hati...
Kenapala susah sangat...

Kenapa ko tak paham??
I want you...
n
I need you...
now
Damn you..

Hidup ini hanya sementara..

I learnt a lot time kat spital aritu. One best thingla was a group of psakit n penjaga pesakit yg kejenye hanya bergossip.. Dah ko, nk wat aper lg kat spital kan.. org sakit kejenye hanya tdo. Penjaga pesakit tu ada keje kalo pesakit nk makan, nk minum, berak, makan ubat etc etc.. waktu lain pesakit akan tdo. Ada gak pesakit yg katanya sakit tp tak macam org sakit.. Hahaa..

Sbelah kanan katil nnk, ada Ah So ni. Penjaga dia bibik dari Solo. Belah kiri Kak Fiza dari Shah Alam. Kak fiza ni tak berenti bercakap so takdela bosan sangat. Si bibik peneman aku g bekfes, lunch n dinner. Giler ko.. tak lalu aku nk makan kat ward blh muntah kahak aku.. haha...

Mula2 nenek was placed at sub-acute ward. Time tu, cuma ada 2 org je kat situ. Granny and one indian granny. Since, the indian granny tu sorang so ada gakla ai tlg bla2 perlu. She's very kind n kesian takde org jaga dia. Opposite granny nye tpt tu, is acute ward. The room ada it's own door, while granny nye open one. Kata pun tpt acute so basically org2 kat dlm tu adalah mereka yg agak2 parah n blh dikatakan tunggu waktu jela. Malam pertama ok lg. 2nd nite2 org passed away, 3rd nite ada sorang, 4th nite 2 org lagi.. then on the 5th nite, granny da masuk ward biasa.

Ada gak org passed away time tuh. Tp at least takdela the mayat lalu tepi katil nenek b4 dibawa keluar. Mau tak scary mcm tu. Dahla sumer tu mati tgh2 malam.. adoiyaii..

Bila ada patient baru masuk, nnt adala bibik sorang tuh g busybody amik tau sbb 'baby' bibik tu mmg da tak bgn lgsg so blh je dia tinggal2. Nnt dia blk kat ward ktorg n bgtau apa kes. hahaa..
Ai pun da terikut ngan gaya derang.. ehehee..

Macam2 hal. Ada yg takde relatives, terabai. Ada yg nk bunuh diri sebab cinta bertepuk sebelah tangan. Ada yg tak sakit apa2 selama ni, tiba masuk spital kata ada kanser otak just sbb asik sakit kepala je.

Yg ai suka, ada dr yg cute2. Especially time pagi, sumer muka comey2.. lol..

Actually, byk menda nk share tp hati sedang serabot.. tatau nk tulis camne.

February 2010: Aquarius Prediction

During the first week of the month an old work colleague or friend may present you with an unusual, but intriguing, possibility to join them in a travel project. While his or her intentions are above board, forces at work exist behind the scenes could place you in a compromising position. Examine all angles of the opportunity. Do not be in a rush to say ''yes. Pay particular attention to the costs involved. If you think it might put a drain on your savings, hold off. Other expenses are about to emerge. Perhaps best to hold off. Other equally as inviting offers are likely to appear this year. On the 6th, your mate or romantic interest could let the green-eyed monster get the better of him or her. In fact, it may spur you to contemplate walking away from this relationship. Before you boot this person out the door, make sure he or she understands the rules you live by, especially if the relationship is young. Don't be afraid to expose your limits. Show them the courtesy of informing him or her that you have a zero-tolerance policy regarding jealousy. Don’t forget that your intellectual approach to sexual involvement is unique to your sign. You are not the ideal choice for deeply emotional types. Odds are this person finds you too chilly and aloof to share a bed with you anyway. Be more discerning when choosing your next partner. On the 14th, we welcome the New Chinese Year of the Tiger. One quality that you share with this ferocious feline is the tendency to choose disobedience. Often, you prefer to adjust rules and regulations to fit your way of thinking. Tame this urge Aquarius. Now, more than ever. Adhere to authority. Especially for the latter half of the month. If not, you may feel the negative repercussions well into March.

P/s: Seram sejuk bila pk umur da makin tua.. da nk mencecah kepala 3.. huwaaa.. takotttt!!!

Granny

Granny da 6 days dok spital. First she keep saying she has this heart problem. Then, bla Dr ask.. I simply say, she has this heart problem la Dr. After thorough check up, symptoms didn't show much on heart or anything to do with heart. Weak heart is normal due to aging. So basically, it's all okay.

Turn out, all the symptoms lead to pneumonia. Lung infection, paru2 berair. I was busy..really busy for the past one week. Terpaksa bergilir with MOm to take care granny. Me at night n Mom during day time. Honestly, It was tiring.. BUt then she's my granny. If only she has the courage to stay strong.

Staying in hospital @night is scary. For the past 3 days, everynight ada death. Lagi2 when granny was placed at the sub-acute ward and opposite to acute ward. So basically, bla ada death in acute ward, they will passed granny's bed. Wooo.. sangat scarry. Granny's bed is next to balcony and the sliding door is kept open most of the time (unless raining). Me, being me.. sangat penakut.. I would wait blk rumah baru buang segala mak nenek air.. hehe. takut sehh..

I've a lot to talk about but, sgt tired.. nk rest as tomorow nk kene take turn stay at hospital lagi.
Please pray for my granny's health. Thank you.

It's complicated...

Sesungguhnya aku tidakla sesabar itu..
Kekuatanmu menghadapi semua ini,
tidak dapat aku tandingi..

Ya Allah,
Kau berikanla kebahagiaan kepada Mamaku..
Betapa hancur hatiku melihat apa yg berlaku..
Namun apa daya..

Bila waktu itu tiba..
Dan ianya telah dijangka..
I hate this!!

Life is so unexpected 6

B4 anything.. plz wish me luck ok.. Got 2nd interview with pharmaceutical company. & I really hope I can get the job. Pray for me ppl..hehee

Actually lotz of thing nk story mory with u guys but malas nk naip neh.
Tapi this morning Mama ask me to help with anak terbiar my aunty tuh.. the father taknak responsible unless the mother get back together with him. The mother doesn't want reconcile, takut kene dera lagi.

I mean like, what kind of father would rather see his own blood uneducated bcome illiterate?? COme on, you are not a kid la.. use some brain. Btw, his reason is that the kid is not Chaniago's (minang style of hereditary is passed by mother side). So, since the father is Chaniago's and the mother is Sikumbang? (not sure bout this).. he said the kids is not belong to his clan. WTF??

Tolongla hey big guy out there.. korang nk bercerai berai.. go ahead just jgn babitkan anak camni.
Even anjing pun sayangkan anak.. (ni ayat the wife). Pehtu the husband calling my Dad suh ajar aunty nye adik beradik (this aunty is mom's cozin). Alasan, marah sbb the wife calling him bapak anjing. The wife ckp dia cuma ckp yg bold statement tu je. Org tua ni.. kalo da buat keputusan tak gune akal.. mmg bodoh!!

Seyes, I cam tak caya.. dlu this couple is the most romantic couple la. Even, mama pun selalu jeles ngan derang. Tak sangka kan?? Mcm tak percaya pun ada..

Futnot: Doa' si dia.. 'InsyaAllah, semoga jodoh kita panjang. Amin.' I hanya mampu terkedu.. Am I ready?? Really??

Road of Success

The Road to Success is not straight:

There is a curve called failure, a loop called confusion, speed bumps called friends, caution lights called family, and you will have flats called jobs.

But, if you have a spare called determination, an engine called perseverance, insurance called faith, and a driver called God, you will make it to a place called success!


Futnot: Applikasi determined post time.. tulis entry bebanyak pehtu setkan.. nnt satu ari satu dia kuar.. suke la camni.. :p

Hey, get a room la ok!!

We were on our way back home from Shah Alam. It was around 7.30pm so sun is disappearing and moon is coming out. It was a bit heavy traffic due to traffic lite @batu arang junction. It was so boring so while singing I was looking around when suddenly the driver in front of me was like kissing the girl next to him. Owh this kinda interesting.. I wake my sister up complaining about the couple..

It was the longest traffic lite I ever wait.. hahaa.. (kot panas ati tgk d couple smooching in the car).. lol.. I thought they were Chinese sekalinya malay ok.. So while singing tu, lyrics changed automatically to.. Hey, get a room la.. heheee. nk foreplay pun lek lek ar.. tgh jammed tu kan.. tunggu sampai umah naper.. lempung tul!!

Will you be my girl??

I spent the whole day at Putrajaya. Trying to get another 6 months VISA for granny. Thank God I knew Z from the last visit. So this time around he helped me a lot. Actually, I didn't bother to tell him I'm at the office but then when the application get some problem, I still need his help. One sms, and he came as a knight in shining armor.. hahaa..

He came to the counter, get all the application forms and all the documents, sent it directly to the boss. And gentlemanly asking Mom, granny and me for lunch. Mom being so sporting suggested he bring me for lunch.. hehe.. Thank you Mama..

We had lunch at Taman Warisan and he bought roti john for bringing home. Erm.. amik hati katanya.. Somehow, we had great time together. Lol..

When I reach home, a call from Z..
"Will you be my girl?"
Erkk.. I'm speechless. Honestly, We get to know each other less than a month. I'm not ready for this yet. Plus tell you what, I'm too fakin ol for this lovey dovey thingy ok!!.. hahaha

I'm blushing.. Goshh...

Futnot: Am I ready for another love??

Quicksilver Shorts

A few years ago, when I was on holiday I bought a shorts. A non-ori quicksilver shorts. I'm not a branded person so I don't care about originallity.. hahaa.. just not my cup of tea.
Back then, I didn't try it out. I just take it and pay. Without even bother to check the size (or I've checked and they don't hv the bigger on or it is actually free size). Turn out, I can't wear it. It's too small for my big ass.. Somehow because I've the figure so the shorts doesn't look good on me..

After 3 years more or less, I can finally wear the shorts. My point is I'm getting slimmer.. hahaa..

Futnot: Tak rasa berat turun, tp ukurlilit pinggul/vontot kurang 4 inches.. apakah??

Telur separuh masak.

Telur apakah??
Telur ayam ok.. bukan telor dinasor maupun telor katak.. yeww.. yuckss

Biasanya every alternate day, papa, jamil & fika akan makan half boil eggs. Papa 3, jamil n fika both mkn 2 eggs. Aku hanya mampu tgk. Erkk.. sometimes, I'll make sure they are done with those telor baru aku join bekfes. Td pagi Jamil minta mama prepare half boil egg tu, but then dia hilang g main.. so memandangkan selama ni aku hanya tgk.. so I volunteer myself to eat it.

Oh my God!
I still having nausea till this moment. Pala rasa cam nk pecah, hanyir telor tu ttp tak hilang walopon da 2x gosok gigi. Perut rasa memulas2.. rasa nk muntah tak berenti.. Huhuu..

Mama kata, ' dah tau tak biasa makan, nk juga habiskan'. Aku da habiskan 3 gula2 hacks hitam nk hlg rasa hanyir ni.. but still tak hlg2.. adehh.. mengada2 nk mam.. makan telur goreng yg kuning dia tu tak masak blh la plak kan.. huahuahua..

Owh, rasa cam nk muntah lg.

Futnot: Xcuse me..

Life is so unexpected 5

My usedtobe bestfriend told me, it is normal for any guy to get turn on/hard on with any girl. (tp depends on tahap keimanan la) Iman? I mean like wtf?? Owh sorry, maybe betul kot.. org yg beriman blh control nafsu. Yet I'm talking about normal man. So it is bullshit about love, about happily everafter stuffs.. It is merely s**. So, if you cannot make guys turn on.. u r not attractive. Hell no. let me come to this conclusion.. If you are hot enof to caused other guys hard on but not ur boy.. something wrong with him, not you. Say, he's a gay. Well, this is my own conclusion ok. So you need to ask the right person about this.

I'm not oppose gay. I've few boyfriends who are gay. They are cool and I love them for being cool. That is their lifestyle. I used to hate them but somehow, when I was in a bad condition not so long time ago.. they were lending hand to help me. They just like my other friends despite that unnatural behavior??.

Does it really true about love? or it just a bullshit and no such thing as making love but it is all s**. Love got nothing to do with turn some1 on or cause hard on to some1. love is pure. love is kind. love never lead to making love. love is union of two heart. Lust lead to s**. Lust lead to other bad things, bad affair, cheating, betrayal n etc etc.

I don't know. I still feel the pain. I know how those ppl feel. I know the pain. It even painful whenever I think he's having fun with some1. It's so faking hurt.
If marriage is just a matter of having s** or making love.. better go and fuck bitches out there rather than turning their life upside down by a license called marriage!

Futnot: Ya Allah, I'm really fakap at the moment. Can't think straight. Help me Ya Allah..

Life is so unexpected 4

I read cheeps's blog about his review on good movie of 2009. I watched most of it and I kinda interested to movie 'Precious'. I rarely watch black movie but this time around, I cried my heart out while watching this movie. The best movie so far if you really watch it with your heart. Some may say, it's a boring one but for me it is a great movie to watch.

When I think my life is always unlucky, there are out there who are much more unlucky than I am. Precious is having the most difficult life in her own life. At least she got a home to stay. Her dad rape her and she got pregnant twice. Her mother keeps abusing her like she's a doll or something. Precious had the most pathetic life but she never bother to tell people. She 16, black, very fat and her life is at the worst stake. She can't read, she hardly knows letter. Basically she illiterate, unloved and unnoticed.

A movie I would like to recommend. Watch it. At least u know, ur life is much much better than some other ppl out there..

Life is so unexpected.. Full of surprise..

Futnot: My language is really bad. Bare with me ok.. My malay is not good as well.. huhuu. Don't hv to correct my grammar, I know it is really bad. Hahaa

Life is so unexpected 3

I called my coz since we haven't meet since Raya.. since raya?? duhh lama giler tak jumpa! I was at her home that time. She said, she's having this futsol tournament with Puteri UMNO and won't be back till evening. So I guess I have to face the boredom till these 3 moms finish their discussion. Then my aunt said about her elder daughter. 'She seems to be broken hearted and since then get herself busy.' We were being informed that the guy's family will come over for engagement. So we got ready couple of week earlier. You've no idea how excited working on this wedding stuffs.. lol

Last minute, the guy call and tell us that the grandpa is admitted to ICU. So the family asked to be postponed on the coming weekend. So again, we just pack up everything and cooked whatever raw material n hv party ourselves.. The coming week, again they cannot come. The guy called and gv another reason.. again ask if they can postponed again. So after 3 times, the guy's mother called and keep apologizing. OKla, so we start the whole new thing again. But this time around, my aunt ask them to make sure they can make it. It embarrassing to cancel and call again the family so many times. It's not like everybody free every weekend.. At the end, they guy n family just didn't come. How hard for me to accept this, it is even harder for coz to face it. I didn't really ask her on what happened after that, but I learn from my aunt that, she call the guy n said, 'That's it!'. So it just over.. just like that..

Hmm.. when I thought, I had very bad experience.. the truth is there is a lot out there who had worst situation. Thank Allah. Perhaps HE knows that I can't handle pressure up to that extend so HE gv me a little test.

Oh ya, it was Sunday rite so AJL was on the way that night. End up with the 24th Juara Lagu won by Aizat with Pergi. Giler menusuk jiwa dan raga lagu ni.. Berdiri bulu romaku.. huhuu..
That nite, had quite a late nite. Almost 1am baru tdo. Baru je nak terlelap phone bunyi. Actually, only one person yg gile call at unreasonable time. So I was so lazy nk buka mata, just ignore je. But the phone keep singing.. Haiyoo..

Dalam keadaan mamai n agak marah, I picked up the phone.
'Ci....', Lin was on the line ngan sore serak2 basah cm baru lepas nangis.
'Lin, whats up? Thought u r F******.'
Well, I've to listen to her cry for about half an hour before she can actually speak. My junior schoolmate. We were close bcoz Mom n her mom is friend. So we still keep in touch time to time. I envy her for REAL. Her fiancee is HOT and handsome. The wedding they planned thoroughly and it almost like dreams come true. It is more like fairy tales. From the bottom of my heart, I envy her very much. I know, I would never be able to hv such a great wedding.

She's been working since after high school. The money she saved were used for wedding preparation. The wedding is in this coming march. After what happened to both of my coz, I can't think anything alike. So I was thinking perhaps something bad happened, accident, death, or something..

'Ci, Wan..' she said between sobs. Me, being Me I can't think of anything but something bad, real bad.
' Kenapa ngan Wan? Ko ok ke?'. Me worried if Wan having accident, parah or worst come to worst mati ke??
'Dia ckp aku da tak attractive. Dia nk cancel the wedding'. WTF???!! OK, I didn't say it out loud but thats too much.. That is too fuckin much!!
OK,

Seriusly I don't know what is going on. Tp the reason given were irrational. Unacceptable. Dengar dia nangis camtu, rasa cam nk start engine kete n reach her in no time. Tp I was at home. Parents will be worried aku kuar pagi2 buta camtu. Lucky me if I even get permission.

Another wedding to be canceled. In one day 2 weddings was canceled. 2 hearts were broken while more hearts bleeding. Lepas sesi luahan perasaan, aku duduk and menung sampai pagi. Berfikir katanya, tp otak blank. Teringat kes Nouq, itu pun rasanya da tak blh nk masuk kat akal fikiran org waras. Tp that happened. This is exactly the same situation. Only that, the guy yg decide to cancel the wedding. At least Nouq is still lucky, she hasn't really into wedding prep.

I was wondering, how on earth guy can decide to marry some1 just becoz the girl turn him on. When the attraction of the lady is no longer there, the lady no longer turn him on, he no longer have this hard-on while being with her/see her, he decided they cannot get married. And he said that, when the attraction is no longer there it's mean that love vanish too. Is that how you measure your love??That is so lame excuse. COrny!

I tot, we get marry bcoz of love. bcoz of we are ready for commitment. What kind of stupid reason of getting married is that? I tot, any guy will get hard-on when being with any girl. (erkk.. salah ke?? ) Say, watching movie.. boy n girl.. holding hands, her head on his shoulder etc etc. This should turn any guys on. Or am I wrong? Gotta ask few guys on this matter. Later..

Back then, I always questioned why my ex chose to tell me the truth. Why he had to tell me that he had affair n in fact slept with those girls, ladies, and aunties. Why hadn't he keep that to himself so that I don't feel so much pain. Now, I realize the great side of his action. If say, he didn't tell me the truth.. I should hv still waiting for him n blaming myself for not being very good to him. Actually, I did blame myself for quite sometimes. Until some1 hit my head and make me realize how stupid I was. BUt again, I'm still stupid. Lol..

It's a good thing Wan confront Lin before marriage. Kalo lepas da jadi suami, then si suami ngaku yg dia ada nafsu kat lelaki gak? Ok fine, that can be another story. After 2 years engagement, Wan ngaku yg sblm ni dia gay. Ok. Then he met Lin and dia pk hidup dia mcm berubah. He attracted to Lin. He thinks he can change. So come the engagement, wedding n all. After 2 years, he fought all the lust over guys. But then he realized it so hard nk berubah. So he decide to being honest with Lin. Turn out, he is interested to both male n female. FUCK!!!! giler gampang..
gile tamak..

Di sekeliling aku ok. Disekeliling aku je. Just in my circle.
Kata kawan aku.. Sejahat2 N&N, ada lagi org yg lebih jahat Ci. Yeah rite.

Futnot: Kenapa aku mesti kenal orang2 camni ehh?? Nantila sambung lg.. pening palaku!

Life is so unexpected 2

Mom's old friend was coming over few days ago. Mom hasn't seen her for ages. The friend which I were asked to call 'Mama', came for holiday with her daughter, SIL and grandchild. She stayed at home a night. So Mom had this old-friend-get-together moment. Turn out the daughter is my age and she's married with a 2 yrs old kid. SHould understand how Mom feels.

Heck, that Mama only stayed for a night at home but it seems like forever. I hv to listen to all kind of advice on how to choose husband, on how good her daughter is, on how great the SIL is, on how good she's brought up the kids n yada yada yada..

Gosh.. its killing me. I barely catch my breath. That Mama is such a good lady. No offense yet she talk so highly of the daughter n caused me to hv such a high expectation. I didn't manage to meet her daughter. But I bet she's good, really good. Then come the phrase ' Good guy is meant for a good lady'..
Guess, I should stop looking for a good guy then huh?? I know where I stand!.

Family gath (or Parents gath) every 1st saturday in a month. So Mom n Dad was attending the gath. We learn that my coz is cancelling the engagement, which mean no wedding this coming february. Reason: She found out that the fiancée is having affair. I just don't know what to say. Somehow, most of family members will come over from Indonesia to attend the wedding. Well, they bought the tix already. The wedding is just around the corner. So Mom asked me to call her n console. Perhaps she needs some1 to talk to.. I mean some1 who experience such thing (hohoho like I'm the right person la kan??) But I didn't. I hv no courage to call her and say things will be ok and stuffs. Coz I know, it won't be that easy.

So I decided to go to her house on Sunday and sending Mom's old friend to see another old friend (my aunty). When I was about to park my car, I saw my coz. OMG!! She's so skinny. I almost cannot recognize her. I can see the cheekbone appears proudly. Mom as usual get her sentimental time n cried. While I was parking my car, Mom went to see her and hug her. She keep saying, 'I'm Ok mama.. da ok da.. mama don't worry.'

Oh Mom start her own drama at parking lot plak.. ceh.. I got out of the car, hug her n rub her back as a sister would do. She said, 'I'm ok but its hurt!'. Well, I know.. I know.. Been there, done that..I said, ' U look like hell, apsal kurus sangat ni?'. She smile and tell me, 'takdala, biasa je'
Yea right. She was about to go out for a friend wedding, so we didn't catch up much on her matters. We went upstairs to meet my aunt. Well, 3 Mom meeting is such a headache since I was alone n yet they talk about marriage n stuffs. Hallo.. baru je jd camni da bising2 lg.. adoiyaii

Well, this not exactly the real reason I oppose marriage at this very moment. Oppose?? Opss. NO NO.. I'm not opposing marriage, just that my time hasn't come yet. Oh la la.. ahakss.. Bet, when my time comes I'm go with the flow heartedly. :p

My aunty ckp, the guy (the x-fiancee) ask for the wedding to be postponed, not to be cancelled. But my coz, made her final decision. In fact, both family come to the understanding that they should postponed the wedding. What do they know? The feeling of being betrayed when you've spent the money, time, energy preparing for the wedding and suddenly there is a gurl give some shit. Perhaps, one day my coz is strong enoff to accept him back then we'll see how things.. At the moment, the wedding is canceled.

I was almost losing my sane mind when break up 5 years ago (damn!! its been 5 whole year..hohoho), I couldn't imagine how she pull herself together to face this. Be strong my Coz, afterall we are all support whatever decision u made.

Futnot: Malas nk tulis lagi.. mlm sket sambung part baru..

Life is so unexpected...

Phone line kat umah down for 3 days, which lead to no INTERNET connection at all la kan. So I called the CS Telekom every single day.. sampai arini derang pebetul n I can use the line as usual blk. What actually happened was, ada la malaun2 yg tak bertanggungjawab ni, p cut few cabel dari black box (aku pun tak sure pasal nih), then few houses yg cable nye kene cut takde talian la. Bengong.. Then they said, luckily u called, tkt nnt we thought u still using the number n those jerks use ur line to call overseas n the charged will be put in ur bil. Well, pernah da kene camtu dlu.. tp kita fight la.. lama gakla.. cuma this time around ada report so drg taula phone line rosak time tu.. so we won't be charge. yo la tu..

Byk benda nk citer.. 2 of it about wedding or engagement.. another one about life.. about ppl..
tp skrg ni rasa cam malas nk nulis lg.. jap2 g la yer..

Saja nk letak entry byk2.. bosan da byk blog gulung tikar, takde mende nk baca dah.. ceh!!

Futnot: Sabarlah.. hidup ini penuh dugaan!

Deymm!!

Skrg ngah on d mood nk nulis n release sket..
pastu most blog yg aii dok hop all this while da gulung tikar..
tak update dah.. so malas nk blog hoppin da..

Smlm takleh nk tdo..
Kul 3 mata still gagah terkangkang ngan saksamanya..
adoii..
ini adalah penangan masalah yg dicari sendrik..
patutnya tak kisah dah..
patutnya tak heran dah..
rupa2nya silap percaturan..

rasa itu masih tersisa..
akhirnya makan diri sendiri,
so skrg ni tensi naik sampai ubun2 kepala..
ayoyooo..

kalo jadi plak pakai a
mgkn tak, ada rasa yg sama?

pretending to be strong..
but i'm so damn weak!!

Glad, at least I got some1 to talk to..
though it just a matter of few short fuckin hours!!

Cici,
WAKE UP!!!
& STOP INVESTING YOUR DEEDS TO ENSURE YOUR PLACE IN HELL..
Start invest on good deeds.. n collect rewards as much as possible b4 ur time come!!

Down!

When it comes to my things, they never fail me..
I know how hard for them to see me sad..
Yet, one by one let me down..

It's not the first time..
Since I was a kid..
I should be able to understand stuffs..
But I just can't take it anymore..
Why it has always to be me??

Its not that, I'm the only person who ever did sin in life..
Its not that, I'm the only person who experience such thing in life..
Its not that, I'm the only person who holding the same stat..
But why it's only me??

I'm not questioning YOU, GOD..
How could I question YOU..
I just don't understand my ownself..
Show me the right path, YA ALLAH..
I think, I almost losing my mind.

~~Tears is no longer a solution~~