Hatiakuyangdegil!!

Dah lama da aku nk let go. N da lama gak aku cuba tuk let go. Dah berganti2 org aku gunakan tuk rebounce.. still hati aku lekat dgn saksamanya. Aku tak let go lagi. All this while aku ingat da lupa, da tak ingat. Adil ke kalo aku dgn org lain tp hati n otak pk sal org lain. Bukan baru sekali.. dah terlalu byk kali. Padahal sumpah, aku tak pernah cuba nk call/sms dia.. kitaorg mmg da lost contact. Unless ada je manusia yg dgn baik hati nk bercerita ttg dia pada aku.. tp aku blh lg berfikiran waras.. Deymm!!

Tolong bitau apa nk buat tuk let go perasaan aku ni.Kalo betul ada jodoh, n aku nk kawin.. aku nk betul2 takde perasaan kat org len.. hanya tuk laki aku sorang je hati aku. Tp keadaan camni, buat aku mcm org bengong..

Tak adil, kalo aku hidup ngan org lain tp dhati aku pk pasal org lain.. lg2 kalo org tu suami aku. Karma ke neh?? huhuu..

Kawan aku kata, ko tulis email kat dia...bgtau perasaan ko then ko send kat dia.. kira cam ko da lepaskan perasaan tu then at the same time ko akan let go perasaan tu. Yo la tu.. cissss
Kang aku send org tu gelak guling2 baca email aku... takde maknanya okehhh..

HAPPY 30th ANNIVERSARY MOM & DAD..

LOVE YOU BOTH!!

CONGRATS MIKE & WIFE
FOR THE LOVELY WEDDING!!

Memalukan..

Sangat memalukan

&

Aku sangat malu okeyh..

Langit tak selamanya cerah...

Lama gak tak update blog neh.. malas+busy+serabot+stress=?? kes
Past one week, hati agak resah sket. Jiwa kacau.. dosa lama menghantui jiwa n then dosa baru dibuat secara tidak sengaja di dalam kesengajaan. Bergunung2 dosa aku, sampai sentap sekejap dok p marah2 orang lain. Walaupun benda tu salah aku gak tp it takes two to tango. Hehe.. ape kene mengena ntah.. malas nk pk! Lepas aku sure n yakinkan keadaan sebenarnya tetiba jadi sedih.. kesedihan dalam kelegaan. Pastu aku jd sengal, bengal n yg sewaktu dgnnya. Hal2 hati & perasaan ni bukan blh ikut sedap je kan, silap2 hari bulan blh membunuh cam citer Tari Tirana. Opss.. abaikan..

Sbb kecewa ngan dri sendiri aku g marah org lain. Somehow org tu pun contribute gak kat salah aku td.. so wajarla kalo aku marah2, biasala hormon ppuan tgh tak betul.. biasa je kot marah2. Tu pun tak reti2 lagi. Da lepas tu, dia buat bodo cam takde apa yg berlaku. Ok. Aku pun heran ntah apa2 saja yg aku nmpk kat dia. That's it, aku da tekad n nekad.. lol..

Mr PJ aka Z, da melangkah setapak ke hadapan. Aku pun da malas nk main tarik2 tali.. kalo ni jodoh aku, aku pasrah je terima.. lgpun malas nk dgr kiri kanan dok suh buat the big K tu. Aku ni je takde hati lg.. kalo nk dari tahun2 lepas aku blh war warkan kat segala makhluk2 yg berkenan kat aku tu kan.. kalo aku nk.. agaknya tahun ni da anak da kot.. wakakkaa... tp tu la org kata, blom jodoh aku.. nk wat camne kan.. lol

Aku kene present project aku bln depan, tiba2 rasa cam tak tau nk ckp apa.. maklumla da dekat setahun aku tinggal. Aku g Puncak Alam blk, minta permission nk guna barang.. okla incik itu bg aku guna brg tp jumaat je.. pehtu suh aku gne hplc kat lab lain.. bla aku tgk hplc tu da KO.. so maknanya aku kene hold gak keje aku.. mmgla aku ada all the time in the world kan??
Tp takpela.. aku jd org yg sabar ehh.. sabarla sangat kan??


"The better a man is, the more mistakes he will make, for the more new things he will try. I would never promote to a top-level job a man who was not making mistakes...otherwise he is sure to be mediocre."
- Peter Druker

My err twenty err eifive birthday...

Aku tak blh nk terima kenyataan ini. Sangat tidak boleh.
SUci, kau sudah TUA!!!
Umur da makin meningkat, amal dlm hidup sangatla kurang..
Achievement still NIL..

Td, a call from him.. "OK, Happy Birthday ya. Kirim salam mama n papa. Bgtau nnt sy nk datang ngan family jumpa mama n papa. Solat jangan sesekali tinggal. Rajinkan buat puasa sunat. Kalau boleh selalu sembahyang sunat malam."

Aku terdiam, kelu tatau nk cakap apa. MasyaAllah.. jauhnya aku dari jalan yg sebenarnya. Apa yg aku cari selama ni. Yang aku tau, aku bukanlah perempuan yg layak untuk dia.
Aku mula syak, mgkn dia ni dlu budak IRK bukan budak HS. Tp maybe dia takmo bgtau dia dak IRK sbb nmpk cam baik sangat. In fact sangat baik. Cakap mcm cakap ngan ustaz.

Owh.. terasa giler aku da tua ok.. Lg 2 tahun aku cecah kepala 3 n itu amat merunsingkan aku!!
Deymmnn.. opss.. terswear plak..

Btw, walopun aku tau takde sapa sgt yg baca blog inih.. adalah dgn ini sy ingin mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih atas wish2 birthday yg korang bagi tu.. korang mmg pandai ingatkan betapa aku da tua ye.. Thank you.. Thank you..

Futnot: Secret recipe Durian Cheese ialah birthday cake this year.. hehe .. yummy!!

Pulut Kuning..

SERABOT!!!

Tu yg menggambarkan hati aku skrg ni. Da ckp ngan few ppl pun hati masih lg tak karuan. Dlu time Mike was in the state of insecure about this topic, pandai plak aku nk nasihatkan dia. Sekalinya kene kat batang idung sendirik rasa cam nafas tersekat. I can't breath.

If aku kenal dia da lama, dia da kenal aku camne, aku da tau dia camne. Mgkn ni bukanlah masalah besar kot. Masalahnya aku baru je kenal dia. Tatau lg hati budi dia camne. Dia pun tatau aku ni jenis mcm mana. Tu yg jd serabot. Camne nnt kalo dia da kenal aku tiba2 dia tak suka.. I mean, I was a bad person back then. Ntahla..

Dia kata nk hantar family dia datang rumah. Terpulang aku la nk terima ke nk tolak. Giler ko.. takkanla aku nk malukan org da datang jauh2. So aku ckp, gimme sometimes. Aku tatau camne nk bgtau mama. Aritu ada gak berkias2 ngan mama.

Mama cakap, "Abeh tu nk tunggu sapa lagi? Syaril? dia da jadi laki orang dah, ke ci nk jd bini no 2? Ataupun A**? Mati hidup balik pun dia takkan ingat ci dah mama rasa. Hmm ke N***? Kalau dia mama tgk mcm nk main2 je. Kalau serius dari dlu lagi dia da serius. Nak tunggu sapa lagi?? Umur tu bukan makin kurang, makin bertambah. "

Hmm.. aku nk tunggu sapa lg?? Aku nk org yg tau aku. terima aku seadanya n tak expect apa2 dari aku. Tp kalo baru kenal camne.. mmgla sumernye manis, sumernya baik.. ke aku yg takmo terima kenyataan?? serius.. aku serabot!!

huhuuu

Kahwin.. I

Hi la hati...
Kenapala susah sangat...

Kenapa ko tak paham??
I want you...
n
I need you...
now
Damn you..

Hidup ini hanya sementara..

I learnt a lot time kat spital aritu. One best thingla was a group of psakit n penjaga pesakit yg kejenye hanya bergossip.. Dah ko, nk wat aper lg kat spital kan.. org sakit kejenye hanya tdo. Penjaga pesakit tu ada keje kalo pesakit nk makan, nk minum, berak, makan ubat etc etc.. waktu lain pesakit akan tdo. Ada gak pesakit yg katanya sakit tp tak macam org sakit.. Hahaa..

Sbelah kanan katil nnk, ada Ah So ni. Penjaga dia bibik dari Solo. Belah kiri Kak Fiza dari Shah Alam. Kak fiza ni tak berenti bercakap so takdela bosan sangat. Si bibik peneman aku g bekfes, lunch n dinner. Giler ko.. tak lalu aku nk makan kat ward blh muntah kahak aku.. haha...

Mula2 nenek was placed at sub-acute ward. Time tu, cuma ada 2 org je kat situ. Granny and one indian granny. Since, the indian granny tu sorang so ada gakla ai tlg bla2 perlu. She's very kind n kesian takde org jaga dia. Opposite granny nye tpt tu, is acute ward. The room ada it's own door, while granny nye open one. Kata pun tpt acute so basically org2 kat dlm tu adalah mereka yg agak2 parah n blh dikatakan tunggu waktu jela. Malam pertama ok lg. 2nd nite2 org passed away, 3rd nite ada sorang, 4th nite 2 org lagi.. then on the 5th nite, granny da masuk ward biasa.

Ada gak org passed away time tuh. Tp at least takdela the mayat lalu tepi katil nenek b4 dibawa keluar. Mau tak scary mcm tu. Dahla sumer tu mati tgh2 malam.. adoiyaii..

Bila ada patient baru masuk, nnt adala bibik sorang tuh g busybody amik tau sbb 'baby' bibik tu mmg da tak bgn lgsg so blh je dia tinggal2. Nnt dia blk kat ward ktorg n bgtau apa kes. hahaa..
Ai pun da terikut ngan gaya derang.. ehehee..

Macam2 hal. Ada yg takde relatives, terabai. Ada yg nk bunuh diri sebab cinta bertepuk sebelah tangan. Ada yg tak sakit apa2 selama ni, tiba masuk spital kata ada kanser otak just sbb asik sakit kepala je.

Yg ai suka, ada dr yg cute2. Especially time pagi, sumer muka comey2.. lol..

Actually, byk menda nk share tp hati sedang serabot.. tatau nk tulis camne.

February 2010: Aquarius Prediction

During the first week of the month an old work colleague or friend may present you with an unusual, but intriguing, possibility to join them in a travel project. While his or her intentions are above board, forces at work exist behind the scenes could place you in a compromising position. Examine all angles of the opportunity. Do not be in a rush to say ''yes. Pay particular attention to the costs involved. If you think it might put a drain on your savings, hold off. Other expenses are about to emerge. Perhaps best to hold off. Other equally as inviting offers are likely to appear this year. On the 6th, your mate or romantic interest could let the green-eyed monster get the better of him or her. In fact, it may spur you to contemplate walking away from this relationship. Before you boot this person out the door, make sure he or she understands the rules you live by, especially if the relationship is young. Don't be afraid to expose your limits. Show them the courtesy of informing him or her that you have a zero-tolerance policy regarding jealousy. Don’t forget that your intellectual approach to sexual involvement is unique to your sign. You are not the ideal choice for deeply emotional types. Odds are this person finds you too chilly and aloof to share a bed with you anyway. Be more discerning when choosing your next partner. On the 14th, we welcome the New Chinese Year of the Tiger. One quality that you share with this ferocious feline is the tendency to choose disobedience. Often, you prefer to adjust rules and regulations to fit your way of thinking. Tame this urge Aquarius. Now, more than ever. Adhere to authority. Especially for the latter half of the month. If not, you may feel the negative repercussions well into March.

P/s: Seram sejuk bila pk umur da makin tua.. da nk mencecah kepala 3.. huwaaa.. takotttt!!!

Granny

Granny da 6 days dok spital. First she keep saying she has this heart problem. Then, bla Dr ask.. I simply say, she has this heart problem la Dr. After thorough check up, symptoms didn't show much on heart or anything to do with heart. Weak heart is normal due to aging. So basically, it's all okay.

Turn out, all the symptoms lead to pneumonia. Lung infection, paru2 berair. I was busy..really busy for the past one week. Terpaksa bergilir with MOm to take care granny. Me at night n Mom during day time. Honestly, It was tiring.. BUt then she's my granny. If only she has the courage to stay strong.

Staying in hospital @night is scary. For the past 3 days, everynight ada death. Lagi2 when granny was placed at the sub-acute ward and opposite to acute ward. So basically, bla ada death in acute ward, they will passed granny's bed. Wooo.. sangat scarry. Granny's bed is next to balcony and the sliding door is kept open most of the time (unless raining). Me, being me.. sangat penakut.. I would wait blk rumah baru buang segala mak nenek air.. hehe. takut sehh..

I've a lot to talk about but, sgt tired.. nk rest as tomorow nk kene take turn stay at hospital lagi.
Please pray for my granny's health. Thank you.

It's complicated...

Sesungguhnya aku tidakla sesabar itu..
Kekuatanmu menghadapi semua ini,
tidak dapat aku tandingi..

Ya Allah,
Kau berikanla kebahagiaan kepada Mamaku..
Betapa hancur hatiku melihat apa yg berlaku..
Namun apa daya..

Bila waktu itu tiba..
Dan ianya telah dijangka..
I hate this!!