Under bad depression..

Well, turn out to be my decision ran away to Bkk alone was not a very smart decision.. In fact i caused chaos here n there.. My parents worried over me, ppl are looking for me. N the worst thing is Eka, my housemate were being attacked by everybody coz not knowing my wellbeing.. (sorry babe, caused u so much trouble.. but I love you yea..)

Once I got back, expecting scold, anger and hatred from my parents but be the best parents in the world, they even comfort me. Saying how I shouldn't keep things on my own.. should hv let it go, share with them like I always do.. Now, guilt hovering me.. I don't know.. but still the problem is there.. I can't help it. My condition getting worse, I need to see psychiatrist back over a problem I never know..

Last two week, one whole solid week.. I bothered Bassl a lot. Though he needs to study for his final exam but still he gv some space for this bad friend. There are few things I can only tell few people.. Like back then when I can only share my thought my tears my feeling with a best friend who no longer there.. a best friend who has his own fucking life.. Dude, I'm terribly need u..

One professor once told me, "Child, never let stress take the control over you or else one ended up loosing your mind n not knowing even ur own self". Well, I think I am at the kind of state at the moment.. I couldn't help it.. I just lost my way.. I'm lost..

If ever, I've done anything wrong to any of you out there.. I seek for your forgiveness.. Please forgive me.. If happened I done bad things to you out there.. Let me know if I can make it up to you so that you'll forgive me..

Living in this condition, feeling as something is following you.. is not easy u know.. It's a nightmare! I don't really believe this black magic thingy so I hope n I really hope that my depression state caused me hallucinate n think all the unrasional things..

If I ever bcome crazy.. and say bad things or do bad deeds.. please forgive me.. I'm really don't understand myself at the moment.. and I don't know what is going on with me..

Have a nice weekend friends..